FIC Idle Hands
21/3/12 00:22![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shanachie_quillTitle: Idle Hands
Characters: Clint Barton, Tessa Monroe, Tony Stark, Phil Coulson, Pepper Potts, most of the other Avengers and Assistants make some sort of appearance
Fandom: Avengers
Series: Avengers’ Assistants
Written For:
Prompt: When bored, do not fire arrows into the ceiling.
Summary: Clint gets easily bor-red in meetings and he should be allowed to entertain himself.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Just for the rest of my series cause I’m Jossed by the movie and the previews.
Warnings:
Disclaimer: No one recognizable belongs to be and I’m just not making any money off this.
Author's Note: This is another one based on kaitlia777’s lovely Rules of the Workplace. I don’t want to give too much away, but please keep in mind Clint’s background when reading this. Thanks as always to my lovely girls, whogeek and illfindmyway. And I’m designating whogeek as my official title guru because she comes up with the most awesome titles off the top of her head almost as soon as I tell her ‘I need a title’.
“No.”
Clint looked from his hands to Tessa who was still looking down at her tablet back to his hands again. “No what?”
“No you should not fire that arrow into the ceiling because I am not writing up the destruction of SHIELD property paperwork,” Tessa answered as she finished what she was doing and finally looked up at him.
“I wouldn’t be destroying anything,” Clint replied.
“Arrow plus ceiling tile equals hole equals destruction, Clint. So. No. Go down to the range if you want to shoot something.”
“That’s not nearly as fun.”
“And that should worry me,” Tessa said, “but instead…I tend to feel it’s the most normal part of this conversation.” She dropped her feet to the ground. “Why don’t you see if you can set up a…” She stopped as the alarm went off. “Never mind. Let’s go.”
Avengers’ Assistants Avengers’ Assistants Avengers’ Assistants Avengers’ Assistants
Tessa stopped Clint as they reached the briefing room when they returned later. “Weapons,” she told him.
“What weapons?” he asked in response.
“I will frisk you, Barton.”
“Aw, it’s not fun in public.”
“Sling. Whatever else you’re carrying,” she replied, ignoring his comment.
“I’m not carrying anything but my charming personality,” Clint answered with a grin.
Tessa snorted. “Yeah and I have a bridge to sell you. Hands up.”
“For?”
“I told ya. Either hand stuff over or I’ll frisk ya.”
“Want me to spread ‘em, too?” Clint asked with a wink.
“We don’t have time for this bullshit. Turn over what I know you have and we won’t have to deal with…”
“Is there a problem, Specialist?” Steve’s voice broke into their conversation.
Both Tessa and Clint straightened up automatically, their ingrained military training making them react to the command in Steve’s voice. “No, Sir,” Tessa answered. “Just a minor discussion. We’re on our way in.”
“Barton?” Steve asked, his blue eyes flicking to the sniper.
“Yeah, it’s fine, Cap. Tessa was just requesting some more information,” Clint answered. He dug into his pocket and slipped what he pulled out into Tessa’s hand. Tessa quickly put it in her own pocket. “All better now.”
Steve looked from one to the other. “If you two are ready then?”
As they entered the large room, Clint tried to slip away from Tessa, but she grabbed the back of his jeans. “Don’t you dare.”
He turned a hurt expression on her. “Don’t you trust me?”
“To not wreck havoc if left alone? No.” She pointed him towards a chair and sat down next to him.
The one thing Clint appreciated about his new ‘babysitter’ (although he still insisted loudly to Coulson that he didn’t need a babysitter) was that she took notes and bullet-pointed the meetings. It wasn’t that he couldn’t pay attention, but that he didn’t like to. Once he was sure Tessa was deeply involved in listening to what Coulson and Rogers were going on about today, he wormed his hand into his off-side pocket. Luckily she’d sat down on his right side today which made things a lot easier.
Glancing around the table, he took in the ammunition within easy reach. He knew he wouldn’t be able to stretch and grab things far away because that would draw Tessa’s attention. Within easy reach though was a variety of things he could use. First though he had a supply of darts Tony had given him that he’d been dying to test. At the moment they weren’t filled with anything, although Tony had assured him that they could be. He allowed his grey eyes to drift around the room before deciding it would be safer not to fire them at his teammates. He could practice on some of the SHIELD agents later but he mostly wanted to see if they would stick right now. The wall would be his first target and since Coulson was moving; he’d aim for the area behind the handler.
Picking the thickest of the rubber bands he’d had stashed in his pocket, he set the dart in it, checking the weight before setting it up with his hand on the table. He kept his hands low, trying to keep things unobtrusive as he gaged his shot. When he was sure he wouldn’t hit the pacing handler, he let the dart fly. It hit the wall with a small poof, the noise swallowed up by the sound of the lecturing voice. Clint kept his victorious smile contained and dug another dart out, looking around the room for another target. He was lining up his third shot; the second one having successfully embedded itself in the empty chair to the right of Steve, when Tessa held her hand out to him. “Hand them over,” she said in a low voice.
“Hand what over?” he asked as innocently as he could manage.
“The darts you still have in your pocket.”
“I don’t have any…” he started, then stifled a yelp as she dug her fingers into the nerve in his leg. “I shot them all.”
Tessa glared at him without shifting position. “Clint. Hand them over.”
"Hand what over?"
"The darts that you know that I know that you have," Tessa muttered back.
"Was that even English?" Clint wanted to know.
"Is there a problem, Specialist?" Coulson asked from the front of the room.
"No, Sir," Tessa replied, digging her fingers into the nerve again.
"Not at all, Sir," Clint added. "I'd like to be able to walk," he told Tessa.
"Stop screwing around," she answered, "and hand them over."
Honestly he counted himself lucky to get three shots off before Tessa caught him; damn woman had eyes in the side of her head. It was an asset in the field but downright annoying when he wanted to get away with something. Digging in his pocket, he retrieved the rest of the darts and dropped them in her lap, meeting her green eyes squarely when she looked at him.
"Behave," was all she said before turning her attention back to the meeting.
Clint opened his mouth to ask for a definition but then decided it would be better if he didn't have one. He couldn't be accused of breaking a rule he hadn't been given in the first place.
Reaching out, he snagged the container of pens and pencils sitting just a few inches away and began to pick through them. Tessa glanced over at the sound and he gave her his most innocent look. Her eyes narrowed in return, obviously not fooled, but since he wasn't actually doing anything she let him be.
He wasn’t sure why she had confiscated the darts and not the rubber bands, but he wasn’t going to look a gift in the eye. Laying his choices out on the table, he double checked what Tessa was doing and saw she was sitting back in her seat; green eyes glued to Tony who was pacing and waving his arms around at the front of the room. He leaned towards her, whispering, “Do I get extra points if I hit Tony?”
“If you hit Tony we’re all gonna have to listen to him scream,” she answered. “Don’t do it, Barton.”
“Is that a rule?” he asked.
“Consider it an order,” she answered. “In fact…Avengers and Assistants and Agents are off-limits right now.”
“Got it,” he replied and began looking around for other targets.
Steve looked around as the second projectile flew past him, trying to pinpoint where it had come from. Jack nudged him, indicating the other side of the table, and Clint wiggled his fingers; showing off his makeshift shooter. The super soldier opened his mouth as if to say something, but his Assistant leaned over and a moment later he snapped his mouth shut.
Clint’s next shot was snatched out of the air and snapped in half before it made it halfway to his target, Natasha rolling the pieces back across the table to him. Isabella grinned at the reaction, her eyes cutting towards her Avenger who had no other reaction, seeming to not even take her attention off the briefing. When Clint shot another pencil in the same direction, it suffered the same fate.
Deciding he didn’t want to lose any more ammunition to the Russian, he glanced around to see what the others were doing. Bruce and Olivia had their heads bent close together, although Clint was pretty sure they were not looking at whatever files Coulson had passed out. He gaged the distance between their heads, trying to decide if he could slide a pen between the two without hitting either of them. “Nooo,” Tessa told him. “Bad idea.”
“How? I…”
“I’m aware you don’t miss, but that’s yanking the chain of a teammate that turns into a giant green rage monster when you piss him off. If you have a death wish, go for it.”
Clint considered her comments. “Good point.” Setting aside the last pencil he still had, he grabbed a handful of paper clips. At first he considered just firing them indiscriminately and seeing how much chaos he could cause in the least amount of time, but Tessa would stop him pretty quickly if he started that. Instead he aimed for the projector screen Coulson had lowered when he took back over from Tony; starting at the upper corner and covering it in a scatter pattern.
Coulson smacked the fifth projectile out of the air, bending down to pick it up, and holding it up at eye level. “Something someone wants to explain?”
“No worries, Sir, it’s just RFO,” Tessa answered immediately. Her unoccupied hand made it’s way into Clint’s lap, snagging the rubber bands still in his hand. He gave them up without a fight.
“RFO?” Coulson questioned as the other Assistants clearly attempted to contain laughter.
“Random Flying Objects,” Tessa answered as primly as she could considering she was attempting to contain her own laughter. “It’ll stop now.”
Coulson’s expression didn’t change as he dropped the paper clip on the table. “Specialist, contain your Avenger.”
“Sir, yes, Sir,” Tessa responded as Clint leaned over and asked, “Does he expect you to sit on me?”
“I will sit on you if you don’t shut up and behave,” she snapped, drawing the attention of half the room. For a moment they stared at the two, but when there were no further outbursts, they returned their attention to Coulson.
After a minute Clint started fidgeting, shifting in his seat and stretching his legs out. When Tessa couldn’t take the movements any longer, she dropped her hand into his lap, giving him something else to focus on. He ignored her hand for a minute, then picked it up, linking his fingers through hers and turning her hand this way and that. He curled and uncurled her fingers, counting them off in various combinations and doing some strange kind of math that only made sense to him. She kept her fingers lax, letting him move them around, and it kept him occupied until the meeting ended.
“So what I want to know,” Tony started as soon as Coulson left the room, “is why you don’t have to pay attention in these meetings.”
Clint fired one of the rubber bands he’d held onto at Tony, hitting him in the shoulder. “I’m not the brains here. You point me at it, I shoot it. Or did you miss that part of your briefing?”
“Still. If I have to pay attention…” Tony tried again.
“Stark, do you really want to aggravate a man that can shoot you from five hundred yards away without even trying? He knows what he needs to know and what he doesn’t know…I’ll make sure he knows,” Tessa said, reaching out and grabbing the new rubber band Clint was lining up.
Clint turned to pout at her, his face falling when he saw her glare. “No?”
“No.” She picked up her tablet. “You’re pushing range time.”
“I think I have somewhere else I need to be,” Clint said abruptly. He raised an eyebrow at Tessa who nodded. With that permission, he left the room.
“I have to admit I’m impressed, Specialist,” a new voice said and Tessa turned at the semi-familiar voice. A glance showed her that the room was empty expect for the two of them.
She was surprised that Tony’s personal assistant was addressing her, but it didn’t show as she turned to face the other woman. “Impressed by what, Ms. Potts?”
“I’ve been dealing with Tony for many years, but it’s damage control after he’s created issues. You seem to have Agent Barton mostly under control. And in such a short time.”
“It’s more a case of understanding where he’s coming from. Not just his background but also his training and mindset,” Tessa explained. “There are days I swear ADHD was invented for Clint.”
“And Tony,” Pepper added with a smile.
“And honestly half of them. Figure out how to keep them occupied and there’s much less destruction,” Tessa answered. “It’s like having a small child. Give them limits and you’re fine.”
“And the range comment?” Pepper asked as she indicated they needed to clear the room for the next group.
“Oh.” Tessa’s smile turned downright evil. “If he breaks the rules, he loses range time. And I have ways of enforcing my edicts. It might even work with Tony. Figure out what he really dislikes and then take away what he wants. You just have to find a way to enforce it.”
Pepper smiled. “I think I might just get some help from JARVIS with that. Thank you, Specialist.”
“Tessa, please. I haven’t officially been military since I joined SHIELD,” Tessa answered.
“You must call me Pepper then,” the strawberry blonde answered. “We Assistants need to stick together.”
Tessa grinned as there was a muffled explosion from somewhere below them and a claxon began to sound. “Yes. Yes. We do,” she said her pager went off, followed closely by Pepper’s. They exchanged glances before taking off towards the noise to find out what their Avengers had done this time. At least their lives were never boring.
Characters: Clint Barton, Tessa Monroe, Tony Stark, Phil Coulson, Pepper Potts, most of the other Avengers and Assistants make some sort of appearance
Fandom: Avengers
Series: Avengers’ Assistants
Written For:
Prompt: When bored, do not fire arrows into the ceiling.
Summary: Clint gets easily bor-red in meetings and he should be allowed to entertain himself.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Just for the rest of my series cause I’m Jossed by the movie and the previews.
Warnings:
Disclaimer: No one recognizable belongs to be and I’m just not making any money off this.
Author's Note: This is another one based on kaitlia777’s lovely Rules of the Workplace. I don’t want to give too much away, but please keep in mind Clint’s background when reading this. Thanks as always to my lovely girls, whogeek and illfindmyway. And I’m designating whogeek as my official title guru because she comes up with the most awesome titles off the top of her head almost as soon as I tell her ‘I need a title’.
“No.”
Clint looked from his hands to Tessa who was still looking down at her tablet back to his hands again. “No what?”
“No you should not fire that arrow into the ceiling because I am not writing up the destruction of SHIELD property paperwork,” Tessa answered as she finished what she was doing and finally looked up at him.
“I wouldn’t be destroying anything,” Clint replied.
“Arrow plus ceiling tile equals hole equals destruction, Clint. So. No. Go down to the range if you want to shoot something.”
“That’s not nearly as fun.”
“And that should worry me,” Tessa said, “but instead…I tend to feel it’s the most normal part of this conversation.” She dropped her feet to the ground. “Why don’t you see if you can set up a…” She stopped as the alarm went off. “Never mind. Let’s go.”
Tessa stopped Clint as they reached the briefing room when they returned later. “Weapons,” she told him.
“What weapons?” he asked in response.
“I will frisk you, Barton.”
“Aw, it’s not fun in public.”
“Sling. Whatever else you’re carrying,” she replied, ignoring his comment.
“I’m not carrying anything but my charming personality,” Clint answered with a grin.
Tessa snorted. “Yeah and I have a bridge to sell you. Hands up.”
“For?”
“I told ya. Either hand stuff over or I’ll frisk ya.”
“Want me to spread ‘em, too?” Clint asked with a wink.
“We don’t have time for this bullshit. Turn over what I know you have and we won’t have to deal with…”
“Is there a problem, Specialist?” Steve’s voice broke into their conversation.
Both Tessa and Clint straightened up automatically, their ingrained military training making them react to the command in Steve’s voice. “No, Sir,” Tessa answered. “Just a minor discussion. We’re on our way in.”
“Barton?” Steve asked, his blue eyes flicking to the sniper.
“Yeah, it’s fine, Cap. Tessa was just requesting some more information,” Clint answered. He dug into his pocket and slipped what he pulled out into Tessa’s hand. Tessa quickly put it in her own pocket. “All better now.”
Steve looked from one to the other. “If you two are ready then?”
As they entered the large room, Clint tried to slip away from Tessa, but she grabbed the back of his jeans. “Don’t you dare.”
He turned a hurt expression on her. “Don’t you trust me?”
“To not wreck havoc if left alone? No.” She pointed him towards a chair and sat down next to him.
The one thing Clint appreciated about his new ‘babysitter’ (although he still insisted loudly to Coulson that he didn’t need a babysitter) was that she took notes and bullet-pointed the meetings. It wasn’t that he couldn’t pay attention, but that he didn’t like to. Once he was sure Tessa was deeply involved in listening to what Coulson and Rogers were going on about today, he wormed his hand into his off-side pocket. Luckily she’d sat down on his right side today which made things a lot easier.
Glancing around the table, he took in the ammunition within easy reach. He knew he wouldn’t be able to stretch and grab things far away because that would draw Tessa’s attention. Within easy reach though was a variety of things he could use. First though he had a supply of darts Tony had given him that he’d been dying to test. At the moment they weren’t filled with anything, although Tony had assured him that they could be. He allowed his grey eyes to drift around the room before deciding it would be safer not to fire them at his teammates. He could practice on some of the SHIELD agents later but he mostly wanted to see if they would stick right now. The wall would be his first target and since Coulson was moving; he’d aim for the area behind the handler.
Picking the thickest of the rubber bands he’d had stashed in his pocket, he set the dart in it, checking the weight before setting it up with his hand on the table. He kept his hands low, trying to keep things unobtrusive as he gaged his shot. When he was sure he wouldn’t hit the pacing handler, he let the dart fly. It hit the wall with a small poof, the noise swallowed up by the sound of the lecturing voice. Clint kept his victorious smile contained and dug another dart out, looking around the room for another target. He was lining up his third shot; the second one having successfully embedded itself in the empty chair to the right of Steve, when Tessa held her hand out to him. “Hand them over,” she said in a low voice.
“Hand what over?” he asked as innocently as he could manage.
“The darts you still have in your pocket.”
“I don’t have any…” he started, then stifled a yelp as she dug her fingers into the nerve in his leg. “I shot them all.”
Tessa glared at him without shifting position. “Clint. Hand them over.”
"Hand what over?"
"The darts that you know that I know that you have," Tessa muttered back.
"Was that even English?" Clint wanted to know.
"Is there a problem, Specialist?" Coulson asked from the front of the room.
"No, Sir," Tessa replied, digging her fingers into the nerve again.
"Not at all, Sir," Clint added. "I'd like to be able to walk," he told Tessa.
"Stop screwing around," she answered, "and hand them over."
Honestly he counted himself lucky to get three shots off before Tessa caught him; damn woman had eyes in the side of her head. It was an asset in the field but downright annoying when he wanted to get away with something. Digging in his pocket, he retrieved the rest of the darts and dropped them in her lap, meeting her green eyes squarely when she looked at him.
"Behave," was all she said before turning her attention back to the meeting.
Clint opened his mouth to ask for a definition but then decided it would be better if he didn't have one. He couldn't be accused of breaking a rule he hadn't been given in the first place.
Reaching out, he snagged the container of pens and pencils sitting just a few inches away and began to pick through them. Tessa glanced over at the sound and he gave her his most innocent look. Her eyes narrowed in return, obviously not fooled, but since he wasn't actually doing anything she let him be.
He wasn’t sure why she had confiscated the darts and not the rubber bands, but he wasn’t going to look a gift in the eye. Laying his choices out on the table, he double checked what Tessa was doing and saw she was sitting back in her seat; green eyes glued to Tony who was pacing and waving his arms around at the front of the room. He leaned towards her, whispering, “Do I get extra points if I hit Tony?”
“If you hit Tony we’re all gonna have to listen to him scream,” she answered. “Don’t do it, Barton.”
“Is that a rule?” he asked.
“Consider it an order,” she answered. “In fact…Avengers and Assistants and Agents are off-limits right now.”
“Got it,” he replied and began looking around for other targets.
Steve looked around as the second projectile flew past him, trying to pinpoint where it had come from. Jack nudged him, indicating the other side of the table, and Clint wiggled his fingers; showing off his makeshift shooter. The super soldier opened his mouth as if to say something, but his Assistant leaned over and a moment later he snapped his mouth shut.
Clint’s next shot was snatched out of the air and snapped in half before it made it halfway to his target, Natasha rolling the pieces back across the table to him. Isabella grinned at the reaction, her eyes cutting towards her Avenger who had no other reaction, seeming to not even take her attention off the briefing. When Clint shot another pencil in the same direction, it suffered the same fate.
Deciding he didn’t want to lose any more ammunition to the Russian, he glanced around to see what the others were doing. Bruce and Olivia had their heads bent close together, although Clint was pretty sure they were not looking at whatever files Coulson had passed out. He gaged the distance between their heads, trying to decide if he could slide a pen between the two without hitting either of them. “Nooo,” Tessa told him. “Bad idea.”
“How? I…”
“I’m aware you don’t miss, but that’s yanking the chain of a teammate that turns into a giant green rage monster when you piss him off. If you have a death wish, go for it.”
Clint considered her comments. “Good point.” Setting aside the last pencil he still had, he grabbed a handful of paper clips. At first he considered just firing them indiscriminately and seeing how much chaos he could cause in the least amount of time, but Tessa would stop him pretty quickly if he started that. Instead he aimed for the projector screen Coulson had lowered when he took back over from Tony; starting at the upper corner and covering it in a scatter pattern.
Coulson smacked the fifth projectile out of the air, bending down to pick it up, and holding it up at eye level. “Something someone wants to explain?”
“No worries, Sir, it’s just RFO,” Tessa answered immediately. Her unoccupied hand made it’s way into Clint’s lap, snagging the rubber bands still in his hand. He gave them up without a fight.
“RFO?” Coulson questioned as the other Assistants clearly attempted to contain laughter.
“Random Flying Objects,” Tessa answered as primly as she could considering she was attempting to contain her own laughter. “It’ll stop now.”
Coulson’s expression didn’t change as he dropped the paper clip on the table. “Specialist, contain your Avenger.”
“Sir, yes, Sir,” Tessa responded as Clint leaned over and asked, “Does he expect you to sit on me?”
“I will sit on you if you don’t shut up and behave,” she snapped, drawing the attention of half the room. For a moment they stared at the two, but when there were no further outbursts, they returned their attention to Coulson.
After a minute Clint started fidgeting, shifting in his seat and stretching his legs out. When Tessa couldn’t take the movements any longer, she dropped her hand into his lap, giving him something else to focus on. He ignored her hand for a minute, then picked it up, linking his fingers through hers and turning her hand this way and that. He curled and uncurled her fingers, counting them off in various combinations and doing some strange kind of math that only made sense to him. She kept her fingers lax, letting him move them around, and it kept him occupied until the meeting ended.
“So what I want to know,” Tony started as soon as Coulson left the room, “is why you don’t have to pay attention in these meetings.”
Clint fired one of the rubber bands he’d held onto at Tony, hitting him in the shoulder. “I’m not the brains here. You point me at it, I shoot it. Or did you miss that part of your briefing?”
“Still. If I have to pay attention…” Tony tried again.
“Stark, do you really want to aggravate a man that can shoot you from five hundred yards away without even trying? He knows what he needs to know and what he doesn’t know…I’ll make sure he knows,” Tessa said, reaching out and grabbing the new rubber band Clint was lining up.
Clint turned to pout at her, his face falling when he saw her glare. “No?”
“No.” She picked up her tablet. “You’re pushing range time.”
“I think I have somewhere else I need to be,” Clint said abruptly. He raised an eyebrow at Tessa who nodded. With that permission, he left the room.
“I have to admit I’m impressed, Specialist,” a new voice said and Tessa turned at the semi-familiar voice. A glance showed her that the room was empty expect for the two of them.
She was surprised that Tony’s personal assistant was addressing her, but it didn’t show as she turned to face the other woman. “Impressed by what, Ms. Potts?”
“I’ve been dealing with Tony for many years, but it’s damage control after he’s created issues. You seem to have Agent Barton mostly under control. And in such a short time.”
“It’s more a case of understanding where he’s coming from. Not just his background but also his training and mindset,” Tessa explained. “There are days I swear ADHD was invented for Clint.”
“And Tony,” Pepper added with a smile.
“And honestly half of them. Figure out how to keep them occupied and there’s much less destruction,” Tessa answered. “It’s like having a small child. Give them limits and you’re fine.”
“And the range comment?” Pepper asked as she indicated they needed to clear the room for the next group.
“Oh.” Tessa’s smile turned downright evil. “If he breaks the rules, he loses range time. And I have ways of enforcing my edicts. It might even work with Tony. Figure out what he really dislikes and then take away what he wants. You just have to find a way to enforce it.”
Pepper smiled. “I think I might just get some help from JARVIS with that. Thank you, Specialist.”
“Tessa, please. I haven’t officially been military since I joined SHIELD,” Tessa answered.
“You must call me Pepper then,” the strawberry blonde answered. “We Assistants need to stick together.”
Tessa grinned as there was a muffled explosion from somewhere below them and a claxon began to sound. “Yes. Yes. We do,” she said her pager went off, followed closely by Pepper’s. They exchanged glances before taking off towards the noise to find out what their Avengers had done this time. At least their lives were never boring.
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