FIC Breaking Boundaries
18/1/11 23:01![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shanachie_quillBreaking Boundaries (Comment Fic), Sanctuary Porn Battle; Will Zimmerman, boundaries
I used to have boundaries. I used to live in a world where no and that isn’t a good idea actually meant something. Then again, I used to live in a world where my best friend wasn’t a HAP and my boss hadn’t been born in the Victorian age—literally. Where I didn’t regularly get my ass kicked by a former bounty hunter—and that was on the days she wasn’t channeling something out of a comic book—where I didn’t need to refer to horror movies or mythology books for information on what they were hunting. Although really I’d like to have a discussion about how the IRS shouldn’t have a right to tell them they spent too much money on medical expenses.
I used to have personal space and consider sexual harassment suits before I leaned against the chairs my co-workers were sitting in or draped myself against another body because I really was just too tired to hold myself up any longer. But then I learned that Henry took offense if I pulled back from casual touches because the young HAP had bonded to the Sanctuary employees as pack members. And the last thing I wanted to do was cause psychological damage on someone who was already struggling with who he was.
But even with all that…I’m lonely. After Clara, after everything, I’m so terrified to let someone inside, that for so long those had been my only touches. And of anyone I know the psychological ramifications of closing myself off from people, but it just seemed like every time I let someone get close…I’m the one who gets hurt. So who could blame me from closing myself off?
So I couldn’t really be blamed if my boundaries fell even more.
I couldn’t really be blamed if I started to notice things.
If I noticed when Kate changed shampoos and stood a little too close until I mentioned something. If she brushed up against me and stood with her hair near my face or within smelling distance until I noticed the change of her scent (and really, why hadn’t Henry noticed that first?). If I noticed the rise of her breast beneath her shirt or the curve of her ass in her skin tight jeans as she leaned over to study whatever we were discussing. It wasn’t completely my fault if my mind sometimes wandered and wondered what it would be like to run my fingers along her jaw line as I whispered against the caramel shell of her ear.
And it wasn’t just the physical things I noticed about Kate. I noticed she seemed more at ease among the residents of the Sanctuary. She didn’t seem constantly poised to run at the first sign of distrust. Her cutting remarks hadn’t changed, but now there was an edge of affection to them, and she made them not to hurt but to tease.
There were days when I wanted to run my fingers down her back, when I wanted to see if her skin was as soft as it looked, when I wanted to pull her to me and nestle my aching cock against her round bottom and ease as many sounds as I could out of her as we both enjoyed ourselves. Days when I had to edge away from her before I brushed up against her and she knew just how much I did enjoy working with her.
And it wasn’t just Kate I noticed things about.
There were days when I found any excuse I could to hang out in Henry’s lab. It wasn’t like I had to work in my office. This was the most easy-going job about working hours and locations that I’d ever had and as long as I kept up with my paperwork (which seemed never ending), it didn’t seem to matter where I did it. Henry made it so easy, providing me with a tablet that I could take anywhere, and it was even easier to carry it down to his lab.
There was a casual strength to the young HAP that I had always noticed (and he is young—although we’re close to the same age—Henry had the sheltered life I never did) even before I knew that he was an Abnormal. Even with all of that, he was careful, I’d never seen him injury anyone except on accident and then he was so contrite that I wanted to comfort him and tell him that everything would be all right. Over the time I had known him, I watched him build up his knowledge of his strength as he came to terms with who and what he was. As his confidence in himself grew, so did his attractiveness and his wardrobe as he slowly shed the layers and loose clothes that disguised the muscles that graced his stocky body. The first time I wandered into his lab to find him clad in a clinging Henley and cargo pants that actually fit, I almost swallowed my tongue. He appeared not to notice, prattling on about something, but it was a good ten minutes before I could contribute intelligently to the conversation and he smirked at me as I almost walked into the wall as I left the room that day.
It wasn’t just the physical with Henry though…just like with Kate; I was just as attracted to the intelligent side of my best friend. His tendency to prattle on about his latest gizmo or tech toy or even something he had found on the internet was just as attractive as the muscles that flexed beneath his clothes as he worked. When the words tumbled out of his mouth almost faster than he seemed to process them, he would get this look in his eyes. Those were the moments when my palms itched and I wondered if maybe it was the hard planes of a man I wanted beneath my hands not the soft curves of a woman.
Then I’d stride by Magnus’s office and she’d be sitting at her desk, her hair down and curling softly against her cheek. Her eyes had actually been the first thing I had noticed (when I’d finally gotten a good look at her after the encounter in the alley and not been scared to death) so dark blue against her pale skin and looking almost too large for her face. I had always been drawn in by dark hair curling around a well-shaped face though and Helen had that ability to draw me in; her light accent making everything sound so much more believable.
And then she focuses on you, brings that entire force of personality to bear, and it makes me wonder what she would be like if someone could make her lose that British control that she prides herself on so damn much. Watching her sometimes as she takes command, as she juggles the details of not only our Sanctuary, but the entire network, I think nothing could be more of a turn-on and I’m grateful I didn’t allow myself to be talked out of the baggy jeans I had become accustomed to.
So I couldn’t really be blamed. I couldn’t be blamed for things. Not when they came to me and took my hands, guiding me to their breasts and asses, speaking to me in soft and encouraging voices as my body arched beneath phantom hands. I couldn’t really be blamed.
Even if it was all in my mind.
I used to have boundaries. I used to live in a world where no and that isn’t a good idea actually meant something. Then again, I used to live in a world where my best friend wasn’t a HAP and my boss hadn’t been born in the Victorian age—literally. Where I didn’t regularly get my ass kicked by a former bounty hunter—and that was on the days she wasn’t channeling something out of a comic book—where I didn’t need to refer to horror movies or mythology books for information on what they were hunting. Although really I’d like to have a discussion about how the IRS shouldn’t have a right to tell them they spent too much money on medical expenses.
I used to have personal space and consider sexual harassment suits before I leaned against the chairs my co-workers were sitting in or draped myself against another body because I really was just too tired to hold myself up any longer. But then I learned that Henry took offense if I pulled back from casual touches because the young HAP had bonded to the Sanctuary employees as pack members. And the last thing I wanted to do was cause psychological damage on someone who was already struggling with who he was.
But even with all that…I’m lonely. After Clara, after everything, I’m so terrified to let someone inside, that for so long those had been my only touches. And of anyone I know the psychological ramifications of closing myself off from people, but it just seemed like every time I let someone get close…I’m the one who gets hurt. So who could blame me from closing myself off?
So I couldn’t really be blamed if my boundaries fell even more.
I couldn’t really be blamed if I started to notice things.
If I noticed when Kate changed shampoos and stood a little too close until I mentioned something. If she brushed up against me and stood with her hair near my face or within smelling distance until I noticed the change of her scent (and really, why hadn’t Henry noticed that first?). If I noticed the rise of her breast beneath her shirt or the curve of her ass in her skin tight jeans as she leaned over to study whatever we were discussing. It wasn’t completely my fault if my mind sometimes wandered and wondered what it would be like to run my fingers along her jaw line as I whispered against the caramel shell of her ear.
And it wasn’t just the physical things I noticed about Kate. I noticed she seemed more at ease among the residents of the Sanctuary. She didn’t seem constantly poised to run at the first sign of distrust. Her cutting remarks hadn’t changed, but now there was an edge of affection to them, and she made them not to hurt but to tease.
There were days when I wanted to run my fingers down her back, when I wanted to see if her skin was as soft as it looked, when I wanted to pull her to me and nestle my aching cock against her round bottom and ease as many sounds as I could out of her as we both enjoyed ourselves. Days when I had to edge away from her before I brushed up against her and she knew just how much I did enjoy working with her.
And it wasn’t just Kate I noticed things about.
There were days when I found any excuse I could to hang out in Henry’s lab. It wasn’t like I had to work in my office. This was the most easy-going job about working hours and locations that I’d ever had and as long as I kept up with my paperwork (which seemed never ending), it didn’t seem to matter where I did it. Henry made it so easy, providing me with a tablet that I could take anywhere, and it was even easier to carry it down to his lab.
There was a casual strength to the young HAP that I had always noticed (and he is young—although we’re close to the same age—Henry had the sheltered life I never did) even before I knew that he was an Abnormal. Even with all of that, he was careful, I’d never seen him injury anyone except on accident and then he was so contrite that I wanted to comfort him and tell him that everything would be all right. Over the time I had known him, I watched him build up his knowledge of his strength as he came to terms with who and what he was. As his confidence in himself grew, so did his attractiveness and his wardrobe as he slowly shed the layers and loose clothes that disguised the muscles that graced his stocky body. The first time I wandered into his lab to find him clad in a clinging Henley and cargo pants that actually fit, I almost swallowed my tongue. He appeared not to notice, prattling on about something, but it was a good ten minutes before I could contribute intelligently to the conversation and he smirked at me as I almost walked into the wall as I left the room that day.
It wasn’t just the physical with Henry though…just like with Kate; I was just as attracted to the intelligent side of my best friend. His tendency to prattle on about his latest gizmo or tech toy or even something he had found on the internet was just as attractive as the muscles that flexed beneath his clothes as he worked. When the words tumbled out of his mouth almost faster than he seemed to process them, he would get this look in his eyes. Those were the moments when my palms itched and I wondered if maybe it was the hard planes of a man I wanted beneath my hands not the soft curves of a woman.
Then I’d stride by Magnus’s office and she’d be sitting at her desk, her hair down and curling softly against her cheek. Her eyes had actually been the first thing I had noticed (when I’d finally gotten a good look at her after the encounter in the alley and not been scared to death) so dark blue against her pale skin and looking almost too large for her face. I had always been drawn in by dark hair curling around a well-shaped face though and Helen had that ability to draw me in; her light accent making everything sound so much more believable.
And then she focuses on you, brings that entire force of personality to bear, and it makes me wonder what she would be like if someone could make her lose that British control that she prides herself on so damn much. Watching her sometimes as she takes command, as she juggles the details of not only our Sanctuary, but the entire network, I think nothing could be more of a turn-on and I’m grateful I didn’t allow myself to be talked out of the baggy jeans I had become accustomed to.
So I couldn’t really be blamed. I couldn’t be blamed for things. Not when they came to me and took my hands, guiding me to their breasts and asses, speaking to me in soft and encouraging voices as my body arched beneath phantom hands. I couldn’t really be blamed.
Even if it was all in my mind.
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(no subject)
19/1/11 05:31 (UTC)(no subject)
19/1/11 06:15 (UTC)Lemme address Magnus first...then the others. No, absolutely not...major squick if Magnus get anywhere near Henry. OMG that's his MOM. Okay? As for Magnus/Will...no. Because that's a protege/mentor relationship and I can't see either one of them breaking that.
As for Will/Kate/Henry...um no? I just can't do it. It's just...the reading/bonds whatever are all wrong. Cuddling, drawing comfort from one and other...yes. Actual sex? Oh hell no!
That being said...Henry is by nature a pack animal and the Sanctuary team is his "pack" so I can see them cuddling him (and I totally wish we would see it on TV) because he needs reassurance.
Also Will has totally lost boundaries and walls since the show started and even if he doesn't have this issue...he for sure has some sort where the team is more of a family than a job now and I can totally see him going "Damn it! I used to be professional!"
But that's totally just me.
All of that being said...I can and have written Kate/Will...am planning to write one more...but will never write Kate/Henry, OT3, or Will/Henry...although I'm sure someone will poke at me and attempt me to get to do it...at some point.
(no subject)
19/1/11 06:32 (UTC)I did say I couldn't see Magnus breaking those lines she's drawn for herself. Because that's so much a part of who she is.
I guess I should clarify; what my brain actually supplied immediately was Will, Kate, and Henry in a bit of a cuddle-pile. The rather more raunchy part of my brain made it Will/Henry/Kate, which I think would be fun to read in a "just for the hell of it" context, rather than anything serious.
And yeah, I know what you mean by the "Will has totally lost boundaries" thing. He definitely does see the Sanctuary team as family, rather than just a job.
I never said I wanted you to write it. Just said my brain supplied the image. XD
(no subject)
19/1/11 06:45 (UTC)And I'm gonna write more in depth tomorrow because it's like 2am which accounts for me missing some of what you said...but hello damn insomnia.
And the "I'm not going to write it" wasn't directed at you specifically...it was kinda directed at people in general...most of whom know who they are...and who have a habit of a) poking me to write crap just to hear me say "But I won't/don't write that" and then b) laughing their asses off when I give in and write it.
Just so you know, I have in the past said I don't write:
a) fan fiction
b) erotica/porn
c) RPF
d) RPS
e) slash
Um...have you looked at my eljay lately? *head desk*
Hmmm I wonder if I hit my head hard enough if I can knock myself out and put myself to sleep...
But anyway I'll answer you more on this tomorrow. I'm gonna attempt to sleep again...since I have to get up at like 8:30.
(no subject)
19/1/11 14:23 (UTC)I only poke at people who I know will/want to/already do write in a fandom/pairing.
It's like me saying I'm not going to let people drag/cajole me into watching shows, and then I do and tend to join the fandom sqee. Like Burn Notice, Covert Affairs, Dark Blue, White Collar, Leverage, and now Hawaii Five-0. **headdesk**
(no subject)
19/1/11 15:49 (UTC)Oh well they're only poking at me in fandoms I already write..but it tends to be people I can't/won't say no to...or the idea is so intriguing that I just have to try it.
I also write original fic and so I try sometimes to use my fanfiction to try new things and then transfer it to my original fic. For example my Empath/Triad verse started as an RPF/RPS story and I'm going to start re-writing it as an original fic soon.
Hahah don't you hate it when people drag you into watching shows? I am evil and keep dragging people into my fandoms :-) I will talk my fandoms up and then send people my shows...and yeah I'm evil that way. I keep sending Sanctuary to people...I think I've dragged 5 of my friends into it lately.
Like Burn Notice, Covert Affairs, Dark Blue, White Collar, Leverage, and now Hawaii Five-0.
I watch all of those except Dark Blue...hmmm I have a poster that the cast of Dark Blue signed that I'm looking to sell...maybe someone in your group of friends would like it?
(no subject)
19/1/11 15:58 (UTC)Well, if someone says something about getting into a fandom, and not knowing what to write, I'll poke them to write about it.
I really need to dedicate a couple hours to looking through your stuff now. :D
Most of it I can blame on
(no subject)
25/1/11 03:08 (UTC)LOL it might get added to my list...I dunno I'll see how much it pokes at me.
LOL I don't write all the things I watch. Everything I do write is tagged though. So it shouldn't be too hard. Some of them are f'locked though. None of my fandom stories if I remember correctly.
Well I'm not looking for much for the poster...I got it through a random quirk of fate. Like really random. I'm not kidding. I entered a drawing on a lark and won. Got season 1 of Leverage on DVD and this poster. But I never watched the show--tried to but never got into it--and so don't really want the poster. So if you know someone who wants it...I'm looking for like 25 bucks for it. There are pictures of it in my eljay under contest winnings.
(no subject)
25/1/11 03:34 (UTC)lol. Crazy.
I don't write all the things I watch either. Most of them I just read fics. I don't write Sanctuary, although I did contemplate it briefly, and I don't write White Collar, Covert Affairs, Leverage or Burn Notice. I did get hit by a rather crazy AU verse for H50, which is actually getting written. I have written Dark Blue, a NCIS drabble, and I have several others of other fandoms rattling around in various stages of completion.
I could see if a couple people would be interested but no promises.
(no subject)
27/1/11 20:36 (UTC)Right? And look! You're getting cuddle fic :-) Getting close to 1K now. I'll have to send ya another bit soon.
Sounds awesome. Yeah I have no idea how I ended up writing in so many fandoms because I never meant to write fanfic.
Awesome. It's just in a box and taking up space at the moment. I don't want to throw it out since it is signed.
(no subject)
27/1/11 20:59 (UTC):D Huzzah!!
Yeah... I kinda vaguely blame you, emocezi, and jetpack_angel for some of my H50 fic influences, but some of it was from reading a bunch of kink meme prompts. It has started to take over my brain. XD
(no subject)
29/1/11 16:05 (UTC)Your fic is now over 1500 words. I'll work on it later today I hope. I've got errands and stuff to do. And Gramma wants to go have lunch with my great-aunt so I'm dropping her off there.
LOL I love being to blame for fic ideas :-) or evilness :-) You'll have to let me know! And of course I want to see the pants! thing. I repeat if you do nothing with it...I am MORE than happy to do something...I might do something anyway (with your permission of course). Emocezi and I had no brains for like an HOUR after you gave me that image.
(no subject)
29/1/11 21:45 (UTC):D Huzzah!! :D
Yeah, it's just... impossible to stop at this point. Not that I want to. I really like this one. Oh, don't worry, the pants!thing is coming along. XD Yay for making brains melt. **evil grin**
(no subject)
29/1/11 22:05 (UTC)It is now up to 1745, but that includes a coupe of translations. Not sure I'm using the one word, but it's there in case I do :-)
You are welcome to tease me if you want with the pants!thing...I'm headed to make dinner now and then when I get back I shall work more on the story. Since I am not having company tonight...I should have time to work. And I do believe they are going to explain how Bella got her name once they're all snuggled up together :-)
(no subject)
30/1/11 00:49 (UTC):D
I dunno, It might be fun to see your reaction to the Pants!thing in its entirety. XD Awesome! I eagerly await the cuddles!
(no subject)
30/1/11 01:10 (UTC)Can I please beat up on them? They will not get into bed!
*pouts* So mean to me...but okay...I'll live...I guess.
(no subject)
19/1/11 06:47 (UTC)I have a scene in one of the stories I'm working on where Cee (my OC) and Henry make Will do a cuddle pile thing. So you sorta get it?
And it's a Sanctuary/Losers' crossover :-)