![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shanachie_quillTitle: Mr. Stubborn and Miss Communication
Characters: Clint Barton, Darcy Lewis, Natasha Romanov, Phil Coulson, Steve Rogers
Fandom: Avengers
Series: Avengers’ Wooing
Written For: swing_set13
Prompt: Darcy woos Clint
Summary: Darcy’s attempts to woo a certain sniper backfire until she realizes he’s been doing some wooing of his own. He’s just not exactly subtle about it.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Mostly for the previous story, non-compliant with the movie
Warnings: Swearing, non-subtle Clint, Darcy being awesome
Disclaimer: No one belongs to me, nor does the music, sooo not making any money off this.
Author's Note: This is the last of the stories for swing_set13 for her birthday. I finally finished. Yay me! Just a wee bit late. But it’s done! Thanks to whogeek and illfindmyway for their help as always. Whogeek designed the Taser that Clint gives Darcy at one point and illfindmyway helped with the title. And nienna87 gave me encouragement as I poked and prodded them towards the finish line. I seriously did not think I was ever going to get there with these two. If you want a list of the songs that Darcy put on Clint’s iPod, it’s at the end of the fic! Thanks to the following people who suggested songs: kaitlia777, symbioticdeath, angelskuuipo, and illfindmyway.
"I feel like I should be offended but it is Cap and it's kinda hard to be offended by him."
Darcy bit back a yelp as she turned to glare at Clint. "Don't do that," she ordered as he dropped into the chair next to her desk.
"Which? Startle you or get offended by Cap?" the archer responded.
"Both. Either. Wait what did Steve do?"
“You took Cap with you to meet your ‘boyfriend’,” he commented.
“Meet my…? You mean J?” Darcy sat back in her chair, studying him. “Are you jealous?”
“No.” Clint’s face shifted as he tried not to pout at her. “Just. You normally take me.”
“Seriously?” If she didn’t think he’d catch whatever projectile she picked, Darcy would throw something at him. “That’s what has you upset?”
“I’m not upset,” he protested.
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that, archer boy,” Darcy responded, spinning back around to face her desk. “And for the record? J is not my boyfriend. I thought we’d covered that oh like five or six visits ago.”
“But he calls you doll.”
Darcy rolled her eyes. “No. He calls me kewpie doll. Which…is wrong on so many levels.”
Clint smirked at her. “Is he referring to your eyes? Or your petite figure?”
“Barton? I might not be as deadly as Natasha, but I will…” she stopped. “Never mind. Did you actually need something? Or did you just come by to bug me?”
He smirked at her. “Just wanted to bug you. I hadn’t seen you in a few days.”
“Aw, I missed you, too.” She patted his cheek. “But I really need to finish up this stuff for Coulson, so is there any chance you can go bug someone else?”
He heaved a sigh. “I guess. I’m sure I can find someone else to torment.”
“That’s my guy!” she crowed, then blanched as Clint grinned at her. “Not. I didn’t. I mean like. Oh you know what? Go away!” When he grinned at her again, but started to get up, she said, “Wait! Hang on!”
“Darce? You gotta make up your mind. Should I stay or should I go?”
“You!” She pointed her finger at him. “Do not. Do not use my Clash against me.” She dug in her desk, pulling a box out. “Just hang on. I have something for you.”
Clint looked at her in confusion, but accepted the box, opening it when she just stared at him. Darcy hadn’t wrapped it, figuring he would protest that, but she had taped the box shut. He leaned over after a moment, pulling a knife free from his boot, and sliced the tape open. “It’s an…iPod,” he said slowly.
“Because I know that you don’t always like the music in the gym so I pre-loaded a workout playlist for you. And also a second playlist of music for…” She rubbed the back of her neck. “For winding down?”
Clint had been paging through the iPod while she talked and he looked up at her. “Is that ‘sleepy music’?”
Darcy blushed before grabbing at the iPod. “If you don’t like it…”
“I didn’t say that!” he protested. “What’s with the rubber?”
“That. Is something J recommended. I have one, too. It’s a special case that protects the iPod from just about everything. You can be pretty rough with it and it doesn’t break.” She shook her finger at him. “That doesn’t mean you can beat the hell out of it though. Just that you don’t have to be as gentle as usual.”
Clint stared at her for a minute as if he didn’t know what to say before reaching out and gripping her hand for a second. “Thank you. You didn’t have to and I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome. Now shoo. I have work to do. Go…” She waved a hand. “Go beat or blow something up, okay?”
Clint ducked, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek, before getting up. “See you later, Darce.”
She prevented herself from pressing her fingers to her cheek, but just barely, because despite all evidence to the contrary; she wasn’t a thirteen year old girl, and turned her attention to her work after he left. She couldn’t prevent a small smile from escaping though as she began to fly through the work Coulson had left her. Phase one had been successful.
Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers
Darcy attempted to balance a drink tray and open the door to SHIELD HQ a few mornings later, pausing when a junior agent came up behind her. “Do you need some help, ma’am?” he asked.
“Other than not calling me ‘ma’am’?” Darcy asked. She sighed as he looked confused. “Could you open the door for me?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Darcy refrained from rolling her eyes as the boy, who couldn’t be much older than her, held the door for her and ushered her into the building. She knew she’d have to stop and be scanned once she got farther in, but it was nice to be able to pass through the first door without a challenge. “Thank you,” she said as they made their way to the first checkpoint.
“It was my pleasure, ma’am,” he answered.
Darcy sighed and set the tray down on the desk, digging for her ID. She’d noticed in the last few weeks that the junior agents had taken a more professional and respectful tone with her (not that they weren’t before, but now they were almost overboard about it) and she had a suspicion on where it came from. She wasn’t going to argue though because it made her job a lot easier, without resorting to having Coulson request things.
By the time she made it through security and to the upper levels, she was glad she always requested the coffee be extra hot and put in double cups. Otherwise she was sure it would be cold before it made it to the conference room. She didn’t get outside coffee for the Avengers every day, but they’d been under even more fire than usual (which was saying a lot) and felt they deserved a treat.
She was just setting the last cup in place when Natasha slipped into the room. The former Russian agent smiled briefly at her before settling into her seat and sliding her cup closer to her. “Thank you, Darcy,” she murmured.
The former intern nodded, not having a chance to respond as Natasha was quickly followed by other members of the Initiative and she had to turn her attention to other work. She was going over a report with Coulson when a noise drew her attention. Clint had arrived while she was occupied and he had obviously taken a sip of his drink. He was making happy noises as he continued to savor it, drawing the attention of the others in the room. Coulson raised an eyebrow at his reaction as Tony asked, “Something you want to share, Barton? It’s good coffee, but it’s not that good.”
Clint smirked. “Oh, but it is that good. It’s chocolate coffee. And…” He pulled his cup away from the billionaire as the other man reached for it, growling, “My coffee.”
Darcy glanced away from the bickering men as a noise caught her attention to see Natasha giving her a look. A look she could easily read as I know what you’re doing and I approve. Well, at least she didn’t have to worry about being killed in her sleep or at any other time by the scary Russian woman. As Coulson called the meeting to order, only someone well-acquainted with him could hear the long-suffering tone, she grinned to herself. Phase two had been extremely successful.
Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers
Clint set his new iPod aside as Natasha entered the gym. “Ready to get your ass kicked?” he asked as she crossed the mats on light feet.
“It is not my…ass that is in danger,” Natasha responded. “I don’t think you’ve won a bout yet.”
“That’s not true,” Clint protested as they set themselves up, balancing on the balls of their feet. “There was that day a couple of weeks ago.”
“I was ill.”
“Really? That’s what you’re going with? I still beat you.”
“You didn’t beat me. I merely succumbed to illness.”
Clint blew a raspberry at her. “Stop making excuses and fight me like a ma…” He oomped as she slammed a foot into his rib cage. Since he was still breathing, he knew she’d pulled it somewhat and he back pedaled. “Okay. Sorry!” he yelped as she followed it up with a series of blows that had him on the defensive.
Within minutes, Natasha had him pinned; her knee pressed against his back as she bent his non-dominant arm back. “Yield,” she ordered.
“Okay. Fuck, Tasha. Lemme up!”
“Yield,” she repeated.
“I yield, okay? I fucking yield.”
Natasha rolled off him and into a sitting position, crossing her legs as she did so. “Do you kiss Darcy with that mouth?”
“Kiss? Nooo.” He flopped back on the mats. “Not yet anyway. Or least not an actual kiss. I just…haven’t figured out what to tell her yet.”
“But she gave you the iPod and the coffee,” she pointed out.
“She brought everyone coffee. And the iPod was just…she was just being nice.”
“Do I really need to kick your ass again to get it through your thick skull?” Natasha asked.
“Why am I still friends with you?” he asked. “I mean…I know why I stopped sleeping with you, it was just better for my life expectancy, but why am I still friends with you?”
Natasha grinned as she said something in Latin before following it up with, “It’s better for your life expectancy if you remain friends with me. Besides I keep you from doing stupid things on an almost daily basis.”
“If you’re going to insult me, please do it in a language I actually speak!” Clint snapped.
“Who says I insulted you?” Natasha responded. She tapped his knee. “Come. You were doing well with meditation.”
Clint hauled himself into a seated position, groaning as he did so. “Why are we doing this again?”
“Because you need to focus and be still when you do not have your eye on a target.”
“I don’t know why,” he grumbled, but he allowed her to bully him into place anyway.
He let his mind drift as they faced each other. Natasha advocated silence when they did this, but after a few minutes he found himself humming the song that had been running through his head at odd moments. Natasha’s hand flashed out and smacked him. “Damn it!” he yelped.
“Do not get that song stuck in my head,” she warned.
“Yes, dear.”
“I will hurt you, Barton.”
“More than you already have?”
“Silence.” Her glare warned him not to try snark again.
He shifted in place, trying to ease the ache in his tailbone, as he caught himself humming again. “Sorry,” he mouthed when Natasha glared at him. He rolled his head, cracking his neck, and began to sing softly,
“All the single ladies (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies
Now put your hands up
If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it
Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh ”. When he realized what he was doing, he bent himself in half, smacking his own head on the mat. “Fuck my brain. Sorry, Tasha. Seriously I was not…” He scooted backwards, trying to get out of her reach. “I swear! I didn’t realize I was doing it!”
“Stop. Singing!” she growled.
“I’m sorry! It’s.” He made a frantic motion towards the iPod. “Darcy put it on the iPod and I can’t get it out of my head now. It’s like this insidious little noise.”
She rose gracefully to her feet, smacking him on the back of the head as she stalked past him. “Go bother her with the song then.”
"I don't want to wear out my welcome," he whined in response.
"Are all men so idiotic?" she asked. When he opened his mouth to respond, she waved him off. "That was rhetorical, Clint."
"She's just doing her job."
Natasha stared at him. "I didn't think you were that much of an идиот. And I know your ego is more secure than that. She does not do these things for everyone."
"Whatever."
Clearly having had enough of his drama for the moment, she flowed to her feet. "I can't do anything else with you! You're impossible!" With those words, she stalked off.
Clint flopped back on the mats, glad no one had been around to see their disagreement. At some point he supposed he was going to have to talk to Darcy. He just wasn't ready yet. For now, he hauled himself to his feet and scooped up the iPod, whistling and then breaking into song again as he crossed over to the weight bench.I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips
Hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans
Acting up, drink in my cup
I could care less what you think "Damn it!" he swore as he realized what he was singing. Again.
Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers
Darcy came back from lunch to find a small box on her desk. She eyed it for a moment before deciding that it couldn’t have made it to her desk if it was in any way dangerous. All packages entering SHIELD were scanned and examined before being delivered to the appropriate offices. She set it aside, intending to open it in a few minutes, and opened her interoffice email to attend to anything that had come up while she was away from her desk.
“Aren’t you going to open it?” a familiar voice asked.
“Damn it, Clint!” Darcy just refrained from slapping out at the Avenger archer. “How many times do I have to tell you not to do that?!”
“Sorry,” he apologized automatically. “Are you going to open it?”
She picked up the box, spinning around so she was facing him to discover that he’d taken his usual seat in the chair next to her desk. “Do you know something about this?”
“Maaaybe?” he suggested. “It’s not as expensive as the iPod or anything, but I just, thought you’d like it. It’s from New Mexico and… Could you just open it? Please?”
“Clint. What did you do?”
He squirmed a little in the chair. “Just open it. Please?”
Still eying him suspiciously, she pried the box open and stared down at what was inside. “You got me an arrowhead. Clint. Why did you get me an arrowhead?”
“It’s from New Mexico! And I thought. I just thought you’d like it.” He reached forward and pulled it out, letting it dangle from the chain. “See. It’s a pendant. And you can wear.” He paused as she stared at him. “I screwed up.”
“Are you trying to mark me?” she asked.
“Um, maybe. I’m. I think I…” He got up and tried to make his escape.
Darcy grabbed his collar, hauling him back into the chair with a surprising show of strength. “Park it, Barton.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Her eyes narrowed at his response and she held the arrowhead up for him to see. “Explain.”
“Explain what? It’s a gift.”
“A gift that to all but the densest SHIELD agent would clearly mark me as yours. So what exactly did you mean by this, Barton?”
Clint looked almost shifty as he tried to figure out how to answer her. “It wasn’t so much a marking as I wanted you to have something that meant something to me. And something to you. And now they all know…” He squirmed in the chair a little more. “They know not to mess with you.”
“Is that why I’ve been getting ma’am’ed by all the junior agents?”
“Maybe?” he answered.
She shook her head. “What am I gonna do with you?”
Clint smirked at her, leaning closer. “Fuck me hard,” he whispered against her ear.
“Get. Out,” she replied.
“Too soon?” he asked.
“Way too soon.” She pointed to the door. “It will probably be too soon for that two years from now.”
Getting to his feet, and looking not unlike a kicked puppy, Clint slunk from the office. After a minute, he poked his head back in. “Darcy.”
She pointed. “Out.” When his head vanished again, she gave in and thunked her own against her desk.
Coulson came out a few minutes later and found her with her head still against the wood. “I don’t want to know,” he informed her. “Do you have the briefing notes from two days ago?”
Without raising her head, Darcy held the report out to him. “How much trouble would I get in if I asked Natasha to shoot Clint?”
“Graze, maiming, or semi-permanent injury?” Coulson replied.
“You know you’re my favorite, right? After Jane, of course.”
“Who else would it be?” Coulson replied. “I believe you have a training session with Natasha now?”
“Aye, aye, boss. On my way to get bruises and thrown around.” Darcy saluted him and closed down her computer in preparation for leaving the office. “I’ll see you tomorrow, sir.”
Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers
"How is your plan going, malyutka?" Natasha asked as the two women began stretching in a corner of the gym.
Darcy sighed. "I don't know. He's confusing."
"Well, of course he is," Natasha answered patiently. "He's male."
Darcy stifled a giggle at that response before rolling into a sitting position and folding herself into a less graceful version of the yoga pose the Russian was in. "There is that. But. 'Tasha, I really don't get him. I mean. You dated him, right? So you sorta understand him?"
"I'm not sure I would call what we did dating," Natasha said slowly.
Darcy waved a hand. "Okay you had sex with him. And I promise I am over that. It does not bother me. Well maybe a little but we're all adults and all that. Besides you could kill me with your brain never mind your pinky."
Natasha reached out, laying a gentle hand on Darcy's. "I would not hurt you."
The younger girl rolled her eyes in response. "I know that. Not my point."
“So what is your point, malyutka?” Natasha asked.
Darcy flopped onto her back. “I don’t know!” she wailed. “I just wish I could figure out what he wants. He gave me a present today which seemed really special, but more of a ‘girlfriend’ gift than a gift you give a friend who’s a girl. And then when I asked him what I’m supposed to do with him, his response wasn’t exactly PC.”
Natasha held her hand out to the younger girl. “Come. I will teach you how to knock him on his ass. Then he won’t be disrespectful.” Darcy laughed in response and allowed the assassin to pull her to her feet. Sometimes it paid to have friends in low places.
Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers
“Morning, Boss,” Darcy called as she dropped her bag next to her desk. She continued on into the inner office, setting the cup of black coffee on the corner of Coulson’s desk. “What’s on tap for today?” she asked, accepting the tablet Coulson held out for her.
“Good morning, Darcy,” Coulson responded. “Did you get the last of those reports done yesterday?”
“Yes. They should be logged in and cataloged.” She flipped through the schedule for the day, then the next couple. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to have Tony, Natasha, and Clint at this interview?”
“Do you have a better idea?” he asked.
“If we switch things around and cancel the agent briefing on Friday…” She moved the items on the calendar as she spoke. “We can send Steve with Tony to that interview and then Bruce and Tony to this one. And that should make things a little easier. We’re trying to keep Natasha and Clint as far to the background as possible so I don’t think sending them out to the front lines on the interview circuit is the best idea.”
“And sending Banner is a better idea?” Coulson questioned.
“It’s a science thing for the most part and Pepper will be there, which balances out the crazy,” Darcy pointed out. “Not much, but at least she can rein Tony in for the most part.”
Coulson nodded. “It sounds like you have everything handled. Why don’t you make sure the other interviews for the coming weeks are set up correctly? And rearrange the ones that aren’t using our Avengers in the best possible way.”
“Absolutely, Boss.” Darcy grinned in response. She tucked her tablet under her arm, spinning a little as she left the office and feeling her skirt flare out around her knees as she did it.
Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers
It took Darcy most of the morning to rearrange the schedule so Steve and Tony or some combination of the two was doing the majority of the Avenger interviews. She knew she couldn’t press-gang Tony into service all the time because he did have responsibilities to Stark Industries, but (with some co-coordinating through the less capable replacement for Ms. Potts) she was able to get him shoe-horned into some of the places where Steve would be most uncomfortable. By spreading around the pain, she was actually able to get Natasha and Clint out of all but the appearances where all of the Avengers had to show up. And in those cases she made a note for them to be allowed to lurk at the back. She even managed to get Coulson or Maria Hill scheduled for a couple of meetings where someone simply needed to appear to go over what exactly the Avengers were responsible for.
She was just finishing the last of the changes when her StarkPhone chirruped; signaling a text. When she looked down at it, she saw it was from Clint, and she immediately toggled it open to read, What are you doing right now?
Rearranging your press schedule, she responded after a minute.
So I need to figure out which days to hide?
I got you out of most of them. And you can lurk at those.
You’re the best! There was a pause and then another text followed before she could reply. Now what are you doing?
Attempting to work, but actually answering texts from a sniper. She grinned as she typed in that response.
So bossman isn’t watching you?
He’s going over SOMEONE’S mission reports. Don’t you have something to do other than text me?
I have a new toy.
Go play with it then. And try not to blow up half the range this time.
That wasn’t MY fault!
Darcy laughed as she could hear the indignation in his voice, even though the text, and typed back, Suuuure it wasn’t.
Toy’s not for me anyway. Can you meet me?
Darcy glanced back into Coulson’s office, seeing he was more than occupied with the work he had in front of him before checking the schedule in front of her. Maybe. Where are you?
If I told you then I’d have to kill you. Meet me in the smaller training room?
I can do that. Might take me a few.
As soon as you can.
Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers
Clint squirmed around in the space he’d made for himself as he watched Darcy put her phone away in an attempt to put his own phone back in his pants pocket. The space was just too small though; the smallest of the ceiling crawlways in the tower. He ended up tucking it into his shirt pocket as he edged forward a little more and watched Darcy turn her attention back to her computer for a minute before logging off. As soon as she started out of the office, he began shoving himself backwards, heading for the nearest exit so he could beat her to the training room.
He dropped down to the floor just as Darcy entered through the door. She stopped suddenly as he landed in a crouch, eyeing him suspiciously. “I don’t want to know where you just were, do I?” she asked.
He straightened up, grinning at her. “Probably not.”
Deciding that rolling her eyes at him would only encourage him, she asked, “So who’s your new toy for? If it’s not for you.”
Clint dug something out of one of the many pockets of his cargo pants as Darcy averted her eyes so she didn’t look like she was trying to stare at his contortionist moves as he tried to wiggle the whatever-it-was free. Finally triumphant he held it aloft before handing it to her. “It’s for you. It’s a new Taser.”
“Why are you trying to hand me a Taser?” she asked suspiciously.
“You. Have been spending too much time with Tasha,” Clint responded. He tried to hand it to her again. “I just. I wanted you to have a better Taser.”
“Hey! I took down a demi-god with my Taser!”
“I know! But this is…I wanted you to have something where it wasn’t one shot and done,” he tried to explain. “This has more shots and you can fire more than once without reloading.”
“Where did you get it?”
“Really?” He dropped his arm. “I asked Tony to make it for you.” Holding it out again, he asked, “Are you gonna make me take it back to him?”
“Why exactly would you ask Tony to make me a Taser?”
“Because one of us can’t always be there to protect you. And I know you’d rather rely on yourself than one of us anyway or anyone from SHIELD you don’t know.”
She grinned at his answer. “All right. Show me how you had him tweak it and how to use it.”
“Okay so you’ve just got the standard prongs right now, but you can switch them out if you want,” he explained as she took the Taser from him. “And I’ll give you the switches for them. I’ve got a sedative for you. We can discuss with Tony what else is possible, but I think for now that non-lethal is better.”
Darcy nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine. Okay what else?”
Turning it, Clint showed her the buttons along the side. “Shot one, two, three, four. You’ve got three of them before you have to recharge and each of them allows you to actually shoot twice. And…” He showed her the other side. “You can actually turn the voltage up from a low level jolt to well…please don’t hit anyone you actually like, okay? It’s about the level of Tasha’s stingers or my arrows.”
“This is awesome, Clint.” Darcy cradled the Taser, running her fingers over the buttons as she was careful not to press any of them. “Thank you.”
“Better gift?” he asked.
“Better than…you mean better than the arrowhead?” she questioned and when he nodded, she reached out a hand to touch his bicep. “Clint, I like the arrowhead. I just didn’t like what it might imply to the dumbass junior agents. Not all of them are as smart or as quick on the uptake as you and Natasha. Or even Jane. Hell, Tony in all his obliviousness and self-absorbsion would probably get it quicker than most of them.”
Clint looked confused for a minute, before leaning towards her, and flicking her shirt collar open. “Then why are you wearing it?”
Darcy blushed. “I didn’t say I didn’t like it, just that some people would get the wrong idea.” She pulled away from him. “Now. Are you gonna show me how to use this thing?”
“Absolutely.”
Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers Avengers
Darcy glanced at her computer as it pinged, alerting her to a new email. She was reaching for the mouse to click on it when a throat cleared by her desk. She smiled to see Steve standing somewhat awkwardly in front of her. “Hey, Steve, what can I do for you?”
Steve held out his tablet, showing the files he’d queued up. “Is Agent Coulson available for a meeting?” he asked.
She glanced at the schedule she always kept active on her desktop and answered, “He’s got time in about five minutes. I’ll slot you in. Want to have a seat and wait?” She suited actions to words, sending a note to Coulson that Steve was waiting to speak with him. A moment later, she got a response back that Darcy should send him in when Coulson was ready. “He’ll be just a minute,” Darcy told Steve.
“Thanks, Darcy,” Steve replied. “Have you heard from your friend?”
She shook her head. “Nope. But that’s not unusual. J’s a bit off the grid for the most part.” At Steve’s confused look, she tried to explain a bit more, “He tends to be out of touch for a while. Doesn’t always have a phone or access to a phone.” She waved it off. “Never mind.”
“This century is really confusing at times,” Steve commented.
“It is,” she agreed. “Even for those of us that grew up in this end of it.” Turning, she activated her email program and saw the alert had been an email from Clint. Reading the subject, she said, “Hey, Clint sent me an app. I wonder if it’s the tracking program we were talking about.”
“Tracking program?” Steve questioned, swinging so he could see the computer too.
“Yeah there’s a ‘track your favorite Avenger’ app. Clint was telling me about it the other day and I mentioned that I wanted…” Darcy clicked on the email with the subject ‘There’s an app for that!’ as she spoke and then yelped as it opened. “Oh hell no! Barton!”
“Do I want to know what the ‘Karma Suta’ has to do with your phone and an ‘app’?” Steve asked, even as Darcy logged out of her email and then her computer.
“No, you really don’t. Just know that Barton and I are about to have a serious conversation.” She glanced at Coulson’s office. “Coulson can see you now.” She stuck her head into the office as Steve got up to go inside. “I’m gonna take a break, boss. You’ve got a conference call with Ms. Potts once you’re done with Steve.”
“Thank you, Miss Lewis.” Coulson glanced at the clock. “I doubt I’ll need you again before the end of the day, so if you’ve finished your work, consider yourself off the clock.”
Darcy grinned at him. “Thanks, boss!” As she passed Steve, she motioned for him to proceed. “He’s waiting for you.”
“Try not to be too hard on Agent Barton,” Steve told her in parting and she waved in acknowledgment.
Darcy contemplated her options when she reached the elevator. There were a limited number of places that she could access and search for Clint, but there were also a limited number of places that he might be. Thankfully most of those places matched up. She couldn’t get into his quarters, some of the labs, or where ever they were testing the latest weapons. On the other hand, she had free reign of the cafeteria, the gyms, and the range; among other places. And it was more likely that Clint was in one of those places this time of day.
She swung by the cafeteria first, knowing that was a long shot, but only found a crew cleaning up. Heading for the elevator again, she mentally tossed a coin and decided on the range next. Sure enough when she got there, he was in the farthest stall, patiently firing down the line. For a moment she watched him, admiring his form and the smoothness of his motion…at least she did until she remembered she was annoyed with him. Storming past the other agents, she waited until he finished with the arrows in front of him before snapping, “Bar-ton!”
The archer didn’t jump in reaction, but his hand tightened on his bow. He set it down before turning to face her. “Hi, Darce.”
“Are you brain damaged?” she demanded. “Did you hit your head the last time you jumped off a building?”
“Ummm. Not that I know of?” he replied. “Do you really need to do this here? I mean. Do you really want an audience for whatever you want to say?”
“Hey, you seemed to want an audience for the app you sent me! I opened that in front of Steve!”
Clint smirked at the news. “I don’t think Cap’s as innocent as we all think. He is friends with Stark.”
“Sooo not the point, archer boy.”
He crossed his arms and Darcy lost a minute watching his biceps bulge, but realized he was speaking before she lost too much time. “What was the point then? I thought it was amusing.”
“It’s amusing to send me an app of sexual positions? Why couldn’t you have just asked me out like a normal person would?”
Clint mumbled something in response and when she just glared at him, he repeated it louder, “You might have said no?”
Darcy lunged forward, grabbing his head and pulling him towards her, pressing her lips to his. By the time he got over his shock and started to kiss her back, she’d retreated back to the other side of the stall. “Now ask me out like a normal person,” she ordered.
Grinning, he responded, “Who says I’m normal?”
In frustration, she grabbed the item nearest at hand (which turned out to be a small rubber target ball) and threw it at him. “No. Like I’m a normal person. I swear to god, Clint. I don’t know what I see in you sometimes.”
“Honestly I don’t know either,” he answered.
“Well, let’s see. You’re brave, smart without making me feel like an idiot, have a sense of humor, reckless, human, and oh, yeah, you have a fantastic ass.” Stepping towards him, she rested a hand on his arm. “Clint, I like you. Now will you ask?”
“You know there’s about fifteen agents watching us, right?” he commented instead.
“Yup,” she responded. “And they aren’t saying a word, so I’m ignoring them. Are you gonna ask?”
Clint took in a deep breath, not unlike he did before releasing an arrow, and slowly let it out. “Darcy, would you please go to dinner with me tomorrow night?”
“I’d be happy to,” she answered, moving forward to press a quick kiss against his lips. Before he could catch her, she darted out of reach, proving that she’d taken him by surprise with her move. “But you aren’t using that app,” she informed him. “At least not tomorrow night.”
“But I will get to use it?”
“Depends on how the date goes,” she teased him. “Now don’t you have some practicing or something to do?”
“I might,” Clint responded. “Or we could go somewhere right now and make out.”
“Don’t push it, Barton.” Darcy made a twirling motion with her finger. “Go on. I’ll just stand here and…observe.”
“’Cause that’s not distracting,” Clint muttered in response, but he turned around anyway.
Darcy boosted herself up onto the counter behind him, leaning back against the wall as she admired Clint’s backside. “The view’s fine from back here.”
Clint grinned as he lined up an arrow, preparing to fire. He had to admit, life would never lack for entertainment of the non-lethal variety with Darcy around. And that suited him just fine. He couldn’t wait to see what dinner brought the next night.
Single Ladies Lyrics
Russian Translations
malyutka—little one
идиот—idiot
Clint’s Workout Playlist
Clint Workout Songs
1. Cobrastyle—Teddybears
2. Eye of the Tiger—Survivor
3. Dynamite—Taio Cruz
4. We’re in this Together—Nine Inch Nails
5. Burn it to the Ground—Nickelback
6. Sideways—Dieks Bentley
7. Helicopter—Katalina Kicks
8. Hurts So Good—John Mellencamp
9. You’re So Damn Hot—OK Go
10. Run (I’m a Natural Disaster)—Gnarls Barkley
11. Electric City—Black Eyed Peas
12. Back in Black—AC/DC
13. Shakin’ Hands—Nickelback
14. S.E.X.—Nickelback
15. Oklahoma State of Mind—Kane
16. R.O.C.K. in the USA—John Mellencamp
17. Ride of the Valkyries—Budapest Symphony
18. Because I’m Awesome—Dollyrots
19. Single Ladies—Beyonce
20. Woman in Love—Bon Jovi
21. The Edge of Glory—Lady Gaga
22. Paper Gangster—Lady Gaga
23. Hoodie Ninja—MC Chris
24. Uprising—Muse
25. Rise Your Glass—P!nk
26. Renegade—Styx
27. We Will Rock You—Queen
Clint’s Sleepy Songs
Clint Sleepy Songs
1. Breathe—Kylie Minogue
2. I Didn’t See It Coming—Belle & Sebastian
3. Goodnight and Go—Imogen Heap
4. My Lover’s Gone—Dido
5. Just a Kiss—Lady Antebellum
6. King and Lionheart—Of Monsters and Men
7. Don’t Stop Belivin’—Journey
8. In the Waiting Line—Zero 7
9. Faithfully—Journey
10. Clutch—Shea Seger
11. Blame it on the Weatherman—B*Witched
12. Missing You—Jem
13. The Lengths—The Black Keys
14. Grazed Knees—Snow Patrol
15. Save Me—Amiee Mann
16. Hurricane—Natalie Imbruglia
17. Little Motel—Modest Mouse
18. Such Great Heights—Iron & Wine
19. Wake Me Up When September Ends—Green Day
20. Let Go—Frou Frou
21. Same—Snow Patrol
22. Open Arms—Journey
23. Waves That Never Break—The Like
24. Falling—Florence + The Machine
25. Hometown Glory—Adele
26. Far Away—Apocalyptica
27. Brahms’ Lullaby—Celine Dion
Characters: Clint Barton, Darcy Lewis, Natasha Romanov, Phil Coulson, Steve Rogers
Fandom: Avengers
Series: Avengers’ Wooing
Written For: swing_set13
Prompt: Darcy woos Clint
Summary: Darcy’s attempts to woo a certain sniper backfire until she realizes he’s been doing some wooing of his own. He’s just not exactly subtle about it.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Mostly for the previous story, non-compliant with the movie
Warnings: Swearing, non-subtle Clint, Darcy being awesome
Disclaimer: No one belongs to me, nor does the music, sooo not making any money off this.
Author's Note: This is the last of the stories for swing_set13 for her birthday. I finally finished. Yay me! Just a wee bit late. But it’s done! Thanks to whogeek and illfindmyway for their help as always. Whogeek designed the Taser that Clint gives Darcy at one point and illfindmyway helped with the title. And nienna87 gave me encouragement as I poked and prodded them towards the finish line. I seriously did not think I was ever going to get there with these two. If you want a list of the songs that Darcy put on Clint’s iPod, it’s at the end of the fic! Thanks to the following people who suggested songs: kaitlia777, symbioticdeath, angelskuuipo, and illfindmyway.
"I feel like I should be offended but it is Cap and it's kinda hard to be offended by him."
Darcy bit back a yelp as she turned to glare at Clint. "Don't do that," she ordered as he dropped into the chair next to her desk.
"Which? Startle you or get offended by Cap?" the archer responded.
"Both. Either. Wait what did Steve do?"
“You took Cap with you to meet your ‘boyfriend’,” he commented.
“Meet my…? You mean J?” Darcy sat back in her chair, studying him. “Are you jealous?”
“No.” Clint’s face shifted as he tried not to pout at her. “Just. You normally take me.”
“Seriously?” If she didn’t think he’d catch whatever projectile she picked, Darcy would throw something at him. “That’s what has you upset?”
“I’m not upset,” he protested.
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that, archer boy,” Darcy responded, spinning back around to face her desk. “And for the record? J is not my boyfriend. I thought we’d covered that oh like five or six visits ago.”
“But he calls you doll.”
Darcy rolled her eyes. “No. He calls me kewpie doll. Which…is wrong on so many levels.”
Clint smirked at her. “Is he referring to your eyes? Or your petite figure?”
“Barton? I might not be as deadly as Natasha, but I will…” she stopped. “Never mind. Did you actually need something? Or did you just come by to bug me?”
He smirked at her. “Just wanted to bug you. I hadn’t seen you in a few days.”
“Aw, I missed you, too.” She patted his cheek. “But I really need to finish up this stuff for Coulson, so is there any chance you can go bug someone else?”
He heaved a sigh. “I guess. I’m sure I can find someone else to torment.”
“That’s my guy!” she crowed, then blanched as Clint grinned at her. “Not. I didn’t. I mean like. Oh you know what? Go away!” When he grinned at her again, but started to get up, she said, “Wait! Hang on!”
“Darce? You gotta make up your mind. Should I stay or should I go?”
“You!” She pointed her finger at him. “Do not. Do not use my Clash against me.” She dug in her desk, pulling a box out. “Just hang on. I have something for you.”
Clint looked at her in confusion, but accepted the box, opening it when she just stared at him. Darcy hadn’t wrapped it, figuring he would protest that, but she had taped the box shut. He leaned over after a moment, pulling a knife free from his boot, and sliced the tape open. “It’s an…iPod,” he said slowly.
“Because I know that you don’t always like the music in the gym so I pre-loaded a workout playlist for you. And also a second playlist of music for…” She rubbed the back of her neck. “For winding down?”
Clint had been paging through the iPod while she talked and he looked up at her. “Is that ‘sleepy music’?”
Darcy blushed before grabbing at the iPod. “If you don’t like it…”
“I didn’t say that!” he protested. “What’s with the rubber?”
“That. Is something J recommended. I have one, too. It’s a special case that protects the iPod from just about everything. You can be pretty rough with it and it doesn’t break.” She shook her finger at him. “That doesn’t mean you can beat the hell out of it though. Just that you don’t have to be as gentle as usual.”
Clint stared at her for a minute as if he didn’t know what to say before reaching out and gripping her hand for a second. “Thank you. You didn’t have to and I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome. Now shoo. I have work to do. Go…” She waved a hand. “Go beat or blow something up, okay?”
Clint ducked, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek, before getting up. “See you later, Darce.”
She prevented herself from pressing her fingers to her cheek, but just barely, because despite all evidence to the contrary; she wasn’t a thirteen year old girl, and turned her attention to her work after he left. She couldn’t prevent a small smile from escaping though as she began to fly through the work Coulson had left her. Phase one had been successful.
Darcy attempted to balance a drink tray and open the door to SHIELD HQ a few mornings later, pausing when a junior agent came up behind her. “Do you need some help, ma’am?” he asked.
“Other than not calling me ‘ma’am’?” Darcy asked. She sighed as he looked confused. “Could you open the door for me?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Darcy refrained from rolling her eyes as the boy, who couldn’t be much older than her, held the door for her and ushered her into the building. She knew she’d have to stop and be scanned once she got farther in, but it was nice to be able to pass through the first door without a challenge. “Thank you,” she said as they made their way to the first checkpoint.
“It was my pleasure, ma’am,” he answered.
Darcy sighed and set the tray down on the desk, digging for her ID. She’d noticed in the last few weeks that the junior agents had taken a more professional and respectful tone with her (not that they weren’t before, but now they were almost overboard about it) and she had a suspicion on where it came from. She wasn’t going to argue though because it made her job a lot easier, without resorting to having Coulson request things.
By the time she made it through security and to the upper levels, she was glad she always requested the coffee be extra hot and put in double cups. Otherwise she was sure it would be cold before it made it to the conference room. She didn’t get outside coffee for the Avengers every day, but they’d been under even more fire than usual (which was saying a lot) and felt they deserved a treat.
She was just setting the last cup in place when Natasha slipped into the room. The former Russian agent smiled briefly at her before settling into her seat and sliding her cup closer to her. “Thank you, Darcy,” she murmured.
The former intern nodded, not having a chance to respond as Natasha was quickly followed by other members of the Initiative and she had to turn her attention to other work. She was going over a report with Coulson when a noise drew her attention. Clint had arrived while she was occupied and he had obviously taken a sip of his drink. He was making happy noises as he continued to savor it, drawing the attention of the others in the room. Coulson raised an eyebrow at his reaction as Tony asked, “Something you want to share, Barton? It’s good coffee, but it’s not that good.”
Clint smirked. “Oh, but it is that good. It’s chocolate coffee. And…” He pulled his cup away from the billionaire as the other man reached for it, growling, “My coffee.”
Darcy glanced away from the bickering men as a noise caught her attention to see Natasha giving her a look. A look she could easily read as I know what you’re doing and I approve. Well, at least she didn’t have to worry about being killed in her sleep or at any other time by the scary Russian woman. As Coulson called the meeting to order, only someone well-acquainted with him could hear the long-suffering tone, she grinned to herself. Phase two had been extremely successful.
Clint set his new iPod aside as Natasha entered the gym. “Ready to get your ass kicked?” he asked as she crossed the mats on light feet.
“It is not my…ass that is in danger,” Natasha responded. “I don’t think you’ve won a bout yet.”
“That’s not true,” Clint protested as they set themselves up, balancing on the balls of their feet. “There was that day a couple of weeks ago.”
“I was ill.”
“Really? That’s what you’re going with? I still beat you.”
“You didn’t beat me. I merely succumbed to illness.”
Clint blew a raspberry at her. “Stop making excuses and fight me like a ma…” He oomped as she slammed a foot into his rib cage. Since he was still breathing, he knew she’d pulled it somewhat and he back pedaled. “Okay. Sorry!” he yelped as she followed it up with a series of blows that had him on the defensive.
Within minutes, Natasha had him pinned; her knee pressed against his back as she bent his non-dominant arm back. “Yield,” she ordered.
“Okay. Fuck, Tasha. Lemme up!”
“Yield,” she repeated.
“I yield, okay? I fucking yield.”
Natasha rolled off him and into a sitting position, crossing her legs as she did so. “Do you kiss Darcy with that mouth?”
“Kiss? Nooo.” He flopped back on the mats. “Not yet anyway. Or least not an actual kiss. I just…haven’t figured out what to tell her yet.”
“But she gave you the iPod and the coffee,” she pointed out.
“She brought everyone coffee. And the iPod was just…she was just being nice.”
“Do I really need to kick your ass again to get it through your thick skull?” Natasha asked.
“Why am I still friends with you?” he asked. “I mean…I know why I stopped sleeping with you, it was just better for my life expectancy, but why am I still friends with you?”
Natasha grinned as she said something in Latin before following it up with, “It’s better for your life expectancy if you remain friends with me. Besides I keep you from doing stupid things on an almost daily basis.”
“If you’re going to insult me, please do it in a language I actually speak!” Clint snapped.
“Who says I insulted you?” Natasha responded. She tapped his knee. “Come. You were doing well with meditation.”
Clint hauled himself into a seated position, groaning as he did so. “Why are we doing this again?”
“Because you need to focus and be still when you do not have your eye on a target.”
“I don’t know why,” he grumbled, but he allowed her to bully him into place anyway.
He let his mind drift as they faced each other. Natasha advocated silence when they did this, but after a few minutes he found himself humming the song that had been running through his head at odd moments. Natasha’s hand flashed out and smacked him. “Damn it!” he yelped.
“Do not get that song stuck in my head,” she warned.
“Yes, dear.”
“I will hurt you, Barton.”
“More than you already have?”
“Silence.” Her glare warned him not to try snark again.
He shifted in place, trying to ease the ache in his tailbone, as he caught himself humming again. “Sorry,” he mouthed when Natasha glared at him. He rolled his head, cracking his neck, and began to sing softly,
“
All the single ladies (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies
Now put your hands up
If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it
Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh
“Stop. Singing!” she growled.
“I’m sorry! It’s.” He made a frantic motion towards the iPod. “Darcy put it on the iPod and I can’t get it out of my head now. It’s like this insidious little noise.”
She rose gracefully to her feet, smacking him on the back of the head as she stalked past him. “Go bother her with the song then.”
"I don't want to wear out my welcome," he whined in response.
"Are all men so idiotic?" she asked. When he opened his mouth to respond, she waved him off. "That was rhetorical, Clint."
"She's just doing her job."
Natasha stared at him. "I didn't think you were that much of an идиот. And I know your ego is more secure than that. She does not do these things for everyone."
"Whatever."
Clearly having had enough of his drama for the moment, she flowed to her feet. "I can't do anything else with you! You're impossible!" With those words, she stalked off.
Clint flopped back on the mats, glad no one had been around to see their disagreement. At some point he supposed he was going to have to talk to Darcy. He just wasn't ready yet. For now, he hauled himself to his feet and scooped up the iPod, whistling and then breaking into song again as he crossed over to the weight bench.
Hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans
Acting up, drink in my cup
I could care less what you think
Darcy came back from lunch to find a small box on her desk. She eyed it for a moment before deciding that it couldn’t have made it to her desk if it was in any way dangerous. All packages entering SHIELD were scanned and examined before being delivered to the appropriate offices. She set it aside, intending to open it in a few minutes, and opened her interoffice email to attend to anything that had come up while she was away from her desk.
“Aren’t you going to open it?” a familiar voice asked.
“Damn it, Clint!” Darcy just refrained from slapping out at the Avenger archer. “How many times do I have to tell you not to do that?!”
“Sorry,” he apologized automatically. “Are you going to open it?”
She picked up the box, spinning around so she was facing him to discover that he’d taken his usual seat in the chair next to her desk. “Do you know something about this?”
“Maaaybe?” he suggested. “It’s not as expensive as the iPod or anything, but I just, thought you’d like it. It’s from New Mexico and… Could you just open it? Please?”
“Clint. What did you do?”
He squirmed a little in the chair. “Just open it. Please?”
Still eying him suspiciously, she pried the box open and stared down at what was inside. “You got me an arrowhead. Clint. Why did you get me an arrowhead?”
“It’s from New Mexico! And I thought. I just thought you’d like it.” He reached forward and pulled it out, letting it dangle from the chain. “See. It’s a pendant. And you can wear.” He paused as she stared at him. “I screwed up.”
“Are you trying to mark me?” she asked.
“Um, maybe. I’m. I think I…” He got up and tried to make his escape.
Darcy grabbed his collar, hauling him back into the chair with a surprising show of strength. “Park it, Barton.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Her eyes narrowed at his response and she held the arrowhead up for him to see. “Explain.”
“Explain what? It’s a gift.”
“A gift that to all but the densest SHIELD agent would clearly mark me as yours. So what exactly did you mean by this, Barton?”
Clint looked almost shifty as he tried to figure out how to answer her. “It wasn’t so much a marking as I wanted you to have something that meant something to me. And something to you. And now they all know…” He squirmed in the chair a little more. “They know not to mess with you.”
“Is that why I’ve been getting ma’am’ed by all the junior agents?”
“Maybe?” he answered.
She shook her head. “What am I gonna do with you?”
Clint smirked at her, leaning closer. “Fuck me hard,” he whispered against her ear.
“Get. Out,” she replied.
“Too soon?” he asked.
“Way too soon.” She pointed to the door. “It will probably be too soon for that two years from now.”
Getting to his feet, and looking not unlike a kicked puppy, Clint slunk from the office. After a minute, he poked his head back in. “Darcy.”
She pointed. “Out.” When his head vanished again, she gave in and thunked her own against her desk.
Coulson came out a few minutes later and found her with her head still against the wood. “I don’t want to know,” he informed her. “Do you have the briefing notes from two days ago?”
Without raising her head, Darcy held the report out to him. “How much trouble would I get in if I asked Natasha to shoot Clint?”
“Graze, maiming, or semi-permanent injury?” Coulson replied.
“You know you’re my favorite, right? After Jane, of course.”
“Who else would it be?” Coulson replied. “I believe you have a training session with Natasha now?”
“Aye, aye, boss. On my way to get bruises and thrown around.” Darcy saluted him and closed down her computer in preparation for leaving the office. “I’ll see you tomorrow, sir.”
"How is your plan going, malyutka?" Natasha asked as the two women began stretching in a corner of the gym.
Darcy sighed. "I don't know. He's confusing."
"Well, of course he is," Natasha answered patiently. "He's male."
Darcy stifled a giggle at that response before rolling into a sitting position and folding herself into a less graceful version of the yoga pose the Russian was in. "There is that. But. 'Tasha, I really don't get him. I mean. You dated him, right? So you sorta understand him?"
"I'm not sure I would call what we did dating," Natasha said slowly.
Darcy waved a hand. "Okay you had sex with him. And I promise I am over that. It does not bother me. Well maybe a little but we're all adults and all that. Besides you could kill me with your brain never mind your pinky."
Natasha reached out, laying a gentle hand on Darcy's. "I would not hurt you."
The younger girl rolled her eyes in response. "I know that. Not my point."
“So what is your point, malyutka?” Natasha asked.
Darcy flopped onto her back. “I don’t know!” she wailed. “I just wish I could figure out what he wants. He gave me a present today which seemed really special, but more of a ‘girlfriend’ gift than a gift you give a friend who’s a girl. And then when I asked him what I’m supposed to do with him, his response wasn’t exactly PC.”
Natasha held her hand out to the younger girl. “Come. I will teach you how to knock him on his ass. Then he won’t be disrespectful.” Darcy laughed in response and allowed the assassin to pull her to her feet. Sometimes it paid to have friends in low places.
“Morning, Boss,” Darcy called as she dropped her bag next to her desk. She continued on into the inner office, setting the cup of black coffee on the corner of Coulson’s desk. “What’s on tap for today?” she asked, accepting the tablet Coulson held out for her.
“Good morning, Darcy,” Coulson responded. “Did you get the last of those reports done yesterday?”
“Yes. They should be logged in and cataloged.” She flipped through the schedule for the day, then the next couple. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to have Tony, Natasha, and Clint at this interview?”
“Do you have a better idea?” he asked.
“If we switch things around and cancel the agent briefing on Friday…” She moved the items on the calendar as she spoke. “We can send Steve with Tony to that interview and then Bruce and Tony to this one. And that should make things a little easier. We’re trying to keep Natasha and Clint as far to the background as possible so I don’t think sending them out to the front lines on the interview circuit is the best idea.”
“And sending Banner is a better idea?” Coulson questioned.
“It’s a science thing for the most part and Pepper will be there, which balances out the crazy,” Darcy pointed out. “Not much, but at least she can rein Tony in for the most part.”
Coulson nodded. “It sounds like you have everything handled. Why don’t you make sure the other interviews for the coming weeks are set up correctly? And rearrange the ones that aren’t using our Avengers in the best possible way.”
“Absolutely, Boss.” Darcy grinned in response. She tucked her tablet under her arm, spinning a little as she left the office and feeling her skirt flare out around her knees as she did it.
It took Darcy most of the morning to rearrange the schedule so Steve and Tony or some combination of the two was doing the majority of the Avenger interviews. She knew she couldn’t press-gang Tony into service all the time because he did have responsibilities to Stark Industries, but (with some co-coordinating through the less capable replacement for Ms. Potts) she was able to get him shoe-horned into some of the places where Steve would be most uncomfortable. By spreading around the pain, she was actually able to get Natasha and Clint out of all but the appearances where all of the Avengers had to show up. And in those cases she made a note for them to be allowed to lurk at the back. She even managed to get Coulson or Maria Hill scheduled for a couple of meetings where someone simply needed to appear to go over what exactly the Avengers were responsible for.
She was just finishing the last of the changes when her StarkPhone chirruped; signaling a text. When she looked down at it, she saw it was from Clint, and she immediately toggled it open to read, What are you doing right now?
Rearranging your press schedule, she responded after a minute.
So I need to figure out which days to hide?
I got you out of most of them. And you can lurk at those.
You’re the best! There was a pause and then another text followed before she could reply. Now what are you doing?
Attempting to work, but actually answering texts from a sniper. She grinned as she typed in that response.
So bossman isn’t watching you?
He’s going over SOMEONE’S mission reports. Don’t you have something to do other than text me?
I have a new toy.
Go play with it then. And try not to blow up half the range this time.
That wasn’t MY fault!
Darcy laughed as she could hear the indignation in his voice, even though the text, and typed back, Suuuure it wasn’t.
Toy’s not for me anyway. Can you meet me?
Darcy glanced back into Coulson’s office, seeing he was more than occupied with the work he had in front of him before checking the schedule in front of her. Maybe. Where are you?
If I told you then I’d have to kill you. Meet me in the smaller training room?
I can do that. Might take me a few.
As soon as you can.
Clint squirmed around in the space he’d made for himself as he watched Darcy put her phone away in an attempt to put his own phone back in his pants pocket. The space was just too small though; the smallest of the ceiling crawlways in the tower. He ended up tucking it into his shirt pocket as he edged forward a little more and watched Darcy turn her attention back to her computer for a minute before logging off. As soon as she started out of the office, he began shoving himself backwards, heading for the nearest exit so he could beat her to the training room.
He dropped down to the floor just as Darcy entered through the door. She stopped suddenly as he landed in a crouch, eyeing him suspiciously. “I don’t want to know where you just were, do I?” she asked.
He straightened up, grinning at her. “Probably not.”
Deciding that rolling her eyes at him would only encourage him, she asked, “So who’s your new toy for? If it’s not for you.”
Clint dug something out of one of the many pockets of his cargo pants as Darcy averted her eyes so she didn’t look like she was trying to stare at his contortionist moves as he tried to wiggle the whatever-it-was free. Finally triumphant he held it aloft before handing it to her. “It’s for you. It’s a new Taser.”
“Why are you trying to hand me a Taser?” she asked suspiciously.
“You. Have been spending too much time with Tasha,” Clint responded. He tried to hand it to her again. “I just. I wanted you to have a better Taser.”
“Hey! I took down a demi-god with my Taser!”
“I know! But this is…I wanted you to have something where it wasn’t one shot and done,” he tried to explain. “This has more shots and you can fire more than once without reloading.”
“Where did you get it?”
“Really?” He dropped his arm. “I asked Tony to make it for you.” Holding it out again, he asked, “Are you gonna make me take it back to him?”
“Why exactly would you ask Tony to make me a Taser?”
“Because one of us can’t always be there to protect you. And I know you’d rather rely on yourself than one of us anyway or anyone from SHIELD you don’t know.”
She grinned at his answer. “All right. Show me how you had him tweak it and how to use it.”
“Okay so you’ve just got the standard prongs right now, but you can switch them out if you want,” he explained as she took the Taser from him. “And I’ll give you the switches for them. I’ve got a sedative for you. We can discuss with Tony what else is possible, but I think for now that non-lethal is better.”
Darcy nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine. Okay what else?”
Turning it, Clint showed her the buttons along the side. “Shot one, two, three, four. You’ve got three of them before you have to recharge and each of them allows you to actually shoot twice. And…” He showed her the other side. “You can actually turn the voltage up from a low level jolt to well…please don’t hit anyone you actually like, okay? It’s about the level of Tasha’s stingers or my arrows.”
“This is awesome, Clint.” Darcy cradled the Taser, running her fingers over the buttons as she was careful not to press any of them. “Thank you.”
“Better gift?” he asked.
“Better than…you mean better than the arrowhead?” she questioned and when he nodded, she reached out a hand to touch his bicep. “Clint, I like the arrowhead. I just didn’t like what it might imply to the dumbass junior agents. Not all of them are as smart or as quick on the uptake as you and Natasha. Or even Jane. Hell, Tony in all his obliviousness and self-absorbsion would probably get it quicker than most of them.”
Clint looked confused for a minute, before leaning towards her, and flicking her shirt collar open. “Then why are you wearing it?”
Darcy blushed. “I didn’t say I didn’t like it, just that some people would get the wrong idea.” She pulled away from him. “Now. Are you gonna show me how to use this thing?”
“Absolutely.”
Darcy glanced at her computer as it pinged, alerting her to a new email. She was reaching for the mouse to click on it when a throat cleared by her desk. She smiled to see Steve standing somewhat awkwardly in front of her. “Hey, Steve, what can I do for you?”
Steve held out his tablet, showing the files he’d queued up. “Is Agent Coulson available for a meeting?” he asked.
She glanced at the schedule she always kept active on her desktop and answered, “He’s got time in about five minutes. I’ll slot you in. Want to have a seat and wait?” She suited actions to words, sending a note to Coulson that Steve was waiting to speak with him. A moment later, she got a response back that Darcy should send him in when Coulson was ready. “He’ll be just a minute,” Darcy told Steve.
“Thanks, Darcy,” Steve replied. “Have you heard from your friend?”
She shook her head. “Nope. But that’s not unusual. J’s a bit off the grid for the most part.” At Steve’s confused look, she tried to explain a bit more, “He tends to be out of touch for a while. Doesn’t always have a phone or access to a phone.” She waved it off. “Never mind.”
“This century is really confusing at times,” Steve commented.
“It is,” she agreed. “Even for those of us that grew up in this end of it.” Turning, she activated her email program and saw the alert had been an email from Clint. Reading the subject, she said, “Hey, Clint sent me an app. I wonder if it’s the tracking program we were talking about.”
“Tracking program?” Steve questioned, swinging so he could see the computer too.
“Yeah there’s a ‘track your favorite Avenger’ app. Clint was telling me about it the other day and I mentioned that I wanted…” Darcy clicked on the email with the subject ‘There’s an app for that!’ as she spoke and then yelped as it opened. “Oh hell no! Barton!”
“Do I want to know what the ‘Karma Suta’ has to do with your phone and an ‘app’?” Steve asked, even as Darcy logged out of her email and then her computer.
“No, you really don’t. Just know that Barton and I are about to have a serious conversation.” She glanced at Coulson’s office. “Coulson can see you now.” She stuck her head into the office as Steve got up to go inside. “I’m gonna take a break, boss. You’ve got a conference call with Ms. Potts once you’re done with Steve.”
“Thank you, Miss Lewis.” Coulson glanced at the clock. “I doubt I’ll need you again before the end of the day, so if you’ve finished your work, consider yourself off the clock.”
Darcy grinned at him. “Thanks, boss!” As she passed Steve, she motioned for him to proceed. “He’s waiting for you.”
“Try not to be too hard on Agent Barton,” Steve told her in parting and she waved in acknowledgment.
Darcy contemplated her options when she reached the elevator. There were a limited number of places that she could access and search for Clint, but there were also a limited number of places that he might be. Thankfully most of those places matched up. She couldn’t get into his quarters, some of the labs, or where ever they were testing the latest weapons. On the other hand, she had free reign of the cafeteria, the gyms, and the range; among other places. And it was more likely that Clint was in one of those places this time of day.
She swung by the cafeteria first, knowing that was a long shot, but only found a crew cleaning up. Heading for the elevator again, she mentally tossed a coin and decided on the range next. Sure enough when she got there, he was in the farthest stall, patiently firing down the line. For a moment she watched him, admiring his form and the smoothness of his motion…at least she did until she remembered she was annoyed with him. Storming past the other agents, she waited until he finished with the arrows in front of him before snapping, “Bar-ton!”
The archer didn’t jump in reaction, but his hand tightened on his bow. He set it down before turning to face her. “Hi, Darce.”
“Are you brain damaged?” she demanded. “Did you hit your head the last time you jumped off a building?”
“Ummm. Not that I know of?” he replied. “Do you really need to do this here? I mean. Do you really want an audience for whatever you want to say?”
“Hey, you seemed to want an audience for the app you sent me! I opened that in front of Steve!”
Clint smirked at the news. “I don’t think Cap’s as innocent as we all think. He is friends with Stark.”
“Sooo not the point, archer boy.”
He crossed his arms and Darcy lost a minute watching his biceps bulge, but realized he was speaking before she lost too much time. “What was the point then? I thought it was amusing.”
“It’s amusing to send me an app of sexual positions? Why couldn’t you have just asked me out like a normal person would?”
Clint mumbled something in response and when she just glared at him, he repeated it louder, “You might have said no?”
Darcy lunged forward, grabbing his head and pulling him towards her, pressing her lips to his. By the time he got over his shock and started to kiss her back, she’d retreated back to the other side of the stall. “Now ask me out like a normal person,” she ordered.
Grinning, he responded, “Who says I’m normal?”
In frustration, she grabbed the item nearest at hand (which turned out to be a small rubber target ball) and threw it at him. “No. Like I’m a normal person. I swear to god, Clint. I don’t know what I see in you sometimes.”
“Honestly I don’t know either,” he answered.
“Well, let’s see. You’re brave, smart without making me feel like an idiot, have a sense of humor, reckless, human, and oh, yeah, you have a fantastic ass.” Stepping towards him, she rested a hand on his arm. “Clint, I like you. Now will you ask?”
“You know there’s about fifteen agents watching us, right?” he commented instead.
“Yup,” she responded. “And they aren’t saying a word, so I’m ignoring them. Are you gonna ask?”
Clint took in a deep breath, not unlike he did before releasing an arrow, and slowly let it out. “Darcy, would you please go to dinner with me tomorrow night?”
“I’d be happy to,” she answered, moving forward to press a quick kiss against his lips. Before he could catch her, she darted out of reach, proving that she’d taken him by surprise with her move. “But you aren’t using that app,” she informed him. “At least not tomorrow night.”
“But I will get to use it?”
“Depends on how the date goes,” she teased him. “Now don’t you have some practicing or something to do?”
“I might,” Clint responded. “Or we could go somewhere right now and make out.”
“Don’t push it, Barton.” Darcy made a twirling motion with her finger. “Go on. I’ll just stand here and…observe.”
“’Cause that’s not distracting,” Clint muttered in response, but he turned around anyway.
Darcy boosted herself up onto the counter behind him, leaning back against the wall as she admired Clint’s backside. “The view’s fine from back here.”
Clint grinned as he lined up an arrow, preparing to fire. He had to admit, life would never lack for entertainment of the non-lethal variety with Darcy around. And that suited him just fine. He couldn’t wait to see what dinner brought the next night.
Single Ladies Lyrics
Russian Translations
malyutka—little one
идиот—idiot
Clint’s Workout Playlist
Clint Workout Songs
1. Cobrastyle—Teddybears
2. Eye of the Tiger—Survivor
3. Dynamite—Taio Cruz
4. We’re in this Together—Nine Inch Nails
5. Burn it to the Ground—Nickelback
6. Sideways—Dieks Bentley
7. Helicopter—Katalina Kicks
8. Hurts So Good—John Mellencamp
9. You’re So Damn Hot—OK Go
10. Run (I’m a Natural Disaster)—Gnarls Barkley
11. Electric City—Black Eyed Peas
12. Back in Black—AC/DC
13. Shakin’ Hands—Nickelback
14. S.E.X.—Nickelback
15. Oklahoma State of Mind—Kane
16. R.O.C.K. in the USA—John Mellencamp
17. Ride of the Valkyries—Budapest Symphony
18. Because I’m Awesome—Dollyrots
19. Single Ladies—Beyonce
20. Woman in Love—Bon Jovi
21. The Edge of Glory—Lady Gaga
22. Paper Gangster—Lady Gaga
23. Hoodie Ninja—MC Chris
24. Uprising—Muse
25. Rise Your Glass—P!nk
26. Renegade—Styx
27. We Will Rock You—Queen
Clint’s Sleepy Songs
Clint Sleepy Songs
1. Breathe—Kylie Minogue
2. I Didn’t See It Coming—Belle & Sebastian
3. Goodnight and Go—Imogen Heap
4. My Lover’s Gone—Dido
5. Just a Kiss—Lady Antebellum
6. King and Lionheart—Of Monsters and Men
7. Don’t Stop Belivin’—Journey
8. In the Waiting Line—Zero 7
9. Faithfully—Journey
10. Clutch—Shea Seger
11. Blame it on the Weatherman—B*Witched
12. Missing You—Jem
13. The Lengths—The Black Keys
14. Grazed Knees—Snow Patrol
15. Save Me—Amiee Mann
16. Hurricane—Natalie Imbruglia
17. Little Motel—Modest Mouse
18. Such Great Heights—Iron & Wine
19. Wake Me Up When September Ends—Green Day
20. Let Go—Frou Frou
21. Same—Snow Patrol
22. Open Arms—Journey
23. Waves That Never Break—The Like
24. Falling—Florence + The Machine
25. Hometown Glory—Adele
26. Far Away—Apocalyptica
27. Brahms’ Lullaby—Celine Dion
Tags: